Author: Zazu
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst, Duo POV
Pairings: 1+2+1
Archive: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries
Summary: Duo begins to see signs that Heero and he are no longer on the same wavelength.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor do I own the characters. I have borrowed them here for some fun and creativity, and this is not for profit. I do, however, own the plot mentioned here, and any instances that you may find similar to real life events are purely a coincidence.
Notes: MUCH thanks to ShenLong Deb for beta-ing. I'm so grateful!
The song "The Fish Cries in the Water" is sung by an artist named Deep White. The song is sung in Mandarin, and the English interpretation/translation is entirely my own. This is the second of five fics within the Following Hearts Arc. Each one will feature a different song by Deep White, all from the only CD 'That Someone'.
/blah/ denotes song lyrics
Following Hearts Arc Part 2
The Fish Cries in the Water
I sat back to back with Heero on a dock, resting against each other as we waited patiently for fish to take the bait on our lines. I tilted my head back onto his shoulder to face the sky and he leaned the side of his head against mine.
Suddenly, he shifted, his stance alert and I sat up, turning to see that something had taken his bait. Or maybe his line caught on something. I reeled my line back in and grabbed the net, ready to help as he worked to pull the fish in. It doesn't take long before he extracts a medium-sized fish from the water, one that I quickly catch in my net. I glimpsed another fish in the water and on a whim, without a thought, I put our catch back into the water.
"Duo!" Heero grabbed my hand, but he was too late to stop the fish from escaping. "Why did you do that?"
"There was another fish." I stated. "And you probably took its mate."
/The fish cries in the water.
I hold your hand and say, 'the fish cries in the water.'/
"But the fish took the bait."
"We put the bait there, Heero," I chuckled as I put the net down, then sat at the edge of the dock. "What would you do, if someone put down a trap I didn't know about and I walked into it?" I turned, casting a sidelong glance at him. "If you fell into a trap and were whisked away from me, I wouldn't know what to do."
/You smile and say, 'don't be silly, fish don't cry.'
'They are animals that have no tears.'/
He slid his arm around my shoulders. "We're humans, Duo. We aren't as helpless as those fish." He kissed my temple. "If someone whisked me away from you, I'd find a way to come back."
"I believe you." I took his hand as we gazed out across the water.
"But now we have no lunch."
"At least those fish are still together."
He chuckled. "You are the strangest man in the world, Duo Maxwell."
Suddenly, rain began to fall and we grabbed our equipment before running back towards the beach house we had rented for the week. I had another strange urge and the moment we had dumped the equipment down onto the shaded porch, I grabbed Heero's hand again, pulling his protesting body back off the porch and into the rain.
"Duo!" He tried to pull away. "Baka!"
"Ever dance in the rain, Heero?" I called back at him before pulling him flush against my body. I looked into his eyes, reaching up to brush away the dripping bangs so I could see the cobalt orbs and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him. After a few moments I pulled back and gave him a sly look before dashing back towards the shelter of the beach house.
I worked to pull the soggy clothing from my wet body as he followed close behind and locked the doors, also tearing his clothes from his body. Seeing him bare his skin, I reached to help him, but a series of five beeps interrupted us. Inwardly, I cursed the fact that I had agreed to let him bring the laptop on our week-long vacation, but I made no protest as he walked, naked, to the laptop and flipped it open. I followed and pressed close behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder
"Who is it?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer. Only four people knew how to contact us during this vacation and I had raised hell with the three ex-pilots that if they dared to interrupt our vacation for anything short of another war, they would not like what I had planned for them. The fourth person was Relena Peacecraft.
"Relena," Heero answered. "But...forget it for now." He exited the program and slipped the laptop closed before turning and wrapping his arms around me, letting our damp skin touch. "So, where were we?"
Later, as I lay in his arms, sated from our love making, I looked out at the pouring skies and at the trees whose branches were whipped around mercilessly in the wind.
"The sky is crying," I murmured.
/The trees cry in the rain
I look up at you and say, 'the trees cry in the rain.'/
"The sky doesn't cry. Haven't you ever learned about the water cycle?" I could hear the teasing tone.
/Your gentle gaze rests on me, 'trees don't cry.'
'They are plants with no thoughts, nor emotions.'/
"Can't you imagine, just once?" I asked him, pinching his arm lightly.
"Okay. How many eyes, or how big do the eyes have to be, for the sky to cry like that?" Heero gestured at the pouring rain that was coming down in sheets.
"You have the imagination of a tin can," I told him.
"Tin cans don't have an imagination." Again, his voice held a tone of teasing.
"I've made my point," I returned. But as I gazed out the window and listened to the rain patter against the windows, I wondered if Heero would ever see the world in my way. A fleeting thought scared me; Heero was so down to earth, so serious. Maybe now, he can take my words and tease me in return, or tell me that I was strange, but how long, until he found my strange to be annoying, or maybe become frustrated? I really couldn't help it if I thought about something and wanted to express it, to share it with him. The sky was dark now and it didn't look like the tears, or the rain rather, would stop anytime soon. I blinked quickly, feeling a tear fall from my own face, and quickly reached up to wipe it in the pretense of drawing my hand through my bangs.
/And I suddenly feel helpless.
No one understands sadness with unseen tears./
Was I crying because I feared that Heero would leave me? During the war, I remembered thinking that if anything tore us apart one day, it would most likely be Relena Peacecraft. To this day, all of the Gundam pilots still respected Relena, and the young woman most certainly does well in maintaining peace in the world and promoting pacifism. But lately, Preventers has been worried about uprisings and have been trying to install guards around Relena, although Relena herself wouldn't hear of it.
Wufei had asked Heero to try and make the woman see sense, but Relena had denied any and all requests and threats. It made me ache to think I was not the only one immune to Heero's threats. And the green-eyed monster within me reared, because I couldn't help but think about a woman's mind, where they say one thing and mean another. This may not apply to Relena, but perhaps she was saying she didn't want guards and didn't want any fancy system installed around her and really meant that she would love to have Heero stay and work out the whole security system.
I trust Heero, with everything. How could I ask for his trust if I didn't trust him? But seeing the way he worries discreetly about Relena makes me afraid. Afraid that whoever was trying to destroy the hard-earned peace would tear Heero away from me.
"Gonna go shower." He kissed the top of my head before moving off the bed.
"Okay," I acknowledged before curling up under the blankets. I didn't bother to go join him; I'd use the shower after him. That would allow Heero the time he needed to communicate with Relena without me being around and making things awkward. While I hold no hard feelings towards Relena, I know that his relationship with her was, and probably will always be, complicated in their own way. And I know that Heero is aware of this, too.
/One can only breathe within unacknowledged loneliness,
Praying alone that everything will end./
I climbed off the bed and pulled on a pair of boxers. I never wished that Heero would have a life with no one but me. His and Relena's friendship had come from a rocky beginning, but they had built upon that and this was what it was now. I leaned my head against the window, feeling the cool touch. I didn't want to take that away from Heero, ever. Relena was Heero's peace in a way. I suddenly felt tears welling up inside me and I grabbed a shirt off the ground, even though it was still wet, tugged it on, and went outside.
/I'm just so helpless,
I need you to give me safety and security./
At least with my face turned up to the rain and the sky's tears coursing down my skin, Heero would not see me cry. Men don't cry, right? But I let the tears fall and felt an odd sense of calm wash over me as the rain soaked the shirt and my skin once more. I took a shuddering breath and whispered quietly and shamefully, "I wish that Relena would stop calling. Heero, please don't ever leave me."
As if the words angered the sky even more, lightening ripped across the darkness in a brilliant streak, the boom of thunder following quickly. I flinched.
"Duo no baka!" I heard Heero scream at me. "Get back in here! You'll be sick!"
"I wish Relena would go away," I mouthed soundlessly as another streak of lightening tore across the sky. I took another shuddering breath, raising my hands and turning back to Heero, a smile plastered on my face. "I can't help the adrenaline rush, you know?" I called back to him. He stared at me.
/But words I want to say, just simply can't be said,
For I've become like a helpless plant./
I'm sorry Heero, I don't have it in me to tell you what I'm afraid of.
"Come on!" he called. I strode towards him and as soon as he could reach me, he pulled me the last couple of steps into the shelter and held me at arm's length.
"When you turned and smiled at me, you know what I was thinking?" He asked me.
"What?" I could feel the rain streaking down my face, dripping from my bangs.
"That you looked so beautiful, like you belonged there," he said softly.
If only he knew I was crying out there. I smiled instead, "That I look beautiful with the sky's tears all over me?"
"The sky is raining, not crying. Now, go shower." He murmured softly, leaning forward to kiss my forehead but carefully keeping his own body dry.
/No one is crying.
You touch my head and say, 'no one is crying.'
But I am crying...it is only that no one seems to care./
I stood in the shower, letting the water wash away the touch of the sky's tears mixed with my own tears. Heero's seen me cry once, when he had made a reckless move in the war. He told me that seeing me cry was worse than any physical pain he had ever endured. I vowed then, and now again, that I would never let him see me cry unhappy tears, because I never want to inflict any pain on him. I just wish that I could have the courage to tell him about my fears.
/And I suddenly feel helpless.
No one understands sadness with unseen tears./
But somehow, I see Heero just assuring me that he wouldn't leave me, that he loved me. Why should I doubt his word? Yet deep inside, I can't stop thinking about how Relena is slowly slipping between us. I can't explain why I feel this, but whenever I am reminded of her existence, no matter how close Heero is to me, I feel alone. As if somehow, I were preparing to face what would eventually come in the future.
/One can only breathe within unacknowledged loneliness,
Praying alone that everything will end./
I pressed my forehead against the tile, my wishes taking a turn. If my hunch was correct, then I just wish that Heero would leave me right away. Then I wouldn't ever have memories of being with him and still feeling so alone.
/I'm just so helpless,
I need you to give me safety and security./
As I stepped out of the shower with a sniffle, my sharp hearing could pick up the tap-tap-tap of Heero's fingers on his laptop keyboard. It was soft, but unmistakable. I took my time in the bathroom, not wanting to walk out and see him still typing, then having him rush whatever he had to say. Instead, I wrapped one towel around my waist and began to towel off my hair. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door.
"Duo? Are you okay?" He had become more sensitive after the war. Or perhaps, he wondered why I wasn't out of the bathroom yet for it'd been a few minutes since I had switched off the water.
"Fine, Heero," I replied, pulling the door open. "Just toweling my hair dry." I was doing that so it wasn't a lie, even if I usually liked to sit outside and let him towel my hair.
"But you usually let me dry your hair." He looked as if I'd taken his play toy away from him.
"After I manage to squeeze most of the water out," I pointed out. "Give me a hand now?" I couldn't tell him that I was staying in the bathroom so I wouldn't see him on his laptop. I admit, Heero would never really hide things from me and if I wanted it, he would let me read everything he sent or received. But I didn't want to control him; that's not what this is about.
/But words I want to say, just simply can't be said,
For I've become like a helpless plant./
"You're freezing," he commented as his hand touched my arm.
"Just a little cold," I remarked. As he toweled my hair dry and combed it, I looked out the window. The storm seemed about to stop.
"Sky's almost done crying," I murmured.
"It wasn't crying," he pointed out yet again.
/No one is crying.
You touch my head and say, 'no one is crying.'/
I sneezed and he snorted,
"Told you that you'd fall sick," he murmured. "Why were you standing in the rain?"
"Just felt like it."
"Baka." He kissed the top of my head as his laptop beeped again. I snagged the comb from him as a gesture for him to go read the message, but he didn't let it go.
"It can wait a few minutes," he commented.
I didn't complain, enjoying the touch of his hands in my hair as I stared at the flashing light of the laptop. Again, the lonely feeling stole over me. Relena was unknowingly calling Heero, and Heero was unknowingly answering. I hate how with each wave of loneliness, a tear squeezes its way out from the corner of my eye. To my surprise, Heero caught it with his finger as it made its way down to my chin.
"Guess I didn't dry it well enough," he commented, grabbing the towel and gently rubbing it against my head to soak up excess moisture.
/But I am crying...it is only that no one seems to care./
"Yea," I answered, still watching the single flashing light on the laptop. "Need to do a better job or I'll really catch a cold."
"Baka," he murmured, kissing the top of my head. I shivered and he wrapped his arms around me. I turned and kissed his lips, but inside, the cold lonely feeling remains, churning within me.
OWARI
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