Author: Sunhawk

Warnings: AU, chibis, humour with a dash of angst

Rating: PG

Pairings: 1+2 friendship

Disclaimer: GW doesn't belong to me.

Funny how sometimes you write something meaning for it to be a one-time thing, but then the characters come back and have something they want to say. So the wee little boys from 'Prickles'? Weren't done...

Titled from something my Grandpa used to say...

If You Can't Say Somethin' Nice...

Heero Yuy was on a mission. He had a job to do, and Heero took his jobs very seriously. When Sister asked him to go out front to bring in the mail, Heero always went straight there and straight back, and if it was raining, he put the envelopes inside his shirt to keep them dry. When it was Heero's turn to help clear the supper dishes, he was very careful and never ever dropped a single thing.

Sister said he was 'sponsible' and Heero liked the way she smiled when she said that, so he tried very hard to be sponsible about all his jobs. Even if he wasn't really sure what it meant.

But this job was extra serious. Heero was on a bestest friend mission. Duo was Heero's best friend; it was all official and everything, because Sister had given them little medals that said so. Heero had the 'Be' and the 'Frie' part and he thought sometimes that it meant something important that his half went in front. And he was almost a month older, so he always tried to watch out for Duo when the other kids got... what Sister called 'rambunctious'. Trowa called it something else, but Heero didn't ever say that word because it got Trowa's mouth washed out with soap and Heero was pretty sure that soap wasn't something he ever wanted to eat. So Heero took his bestest friend mission very seriously, and he meant to do a good job of it. Even if it meant he was going to end up sweeping the whole church from top to bottom and reading verses until... as Quatre said... his head exploded.

Because somebody needed punching. And that somebody was Milly. As soon as Heero found him.

Milly had made Heero's best friend cry, and now Duo was under the sink in the big bathroom that nobody ever used except on Sunday, and he wouldn't come out no matter how much Heero wanted him to, so Heero had left Duo his own stuffed teddy bear to hug (the special one with only one eye that Wufei said was a pirate bear) and now he was on a mission.

Heero just wished that Milly wasn't so good at hide and go seek. If he didn't find Milly soon, his hand was going to be tired from making a mad fist for so long and he'd just end up having to kick Milly instead, and that wasn't near as good as getting to see the black eye the next day. Milly hadn't bothered Duo for two whole weeks after Heero punched him the last time. Even when Duo stuck his tongue out at him at breakfast.

Stupid Milly.

Heero had looked on the playground but Milly wasn't with his best friend Trey (not that it was official, cause they didn't have a medal or anything) and he wasn't with his sister Relena, and Heero didn't even see him with his other best friend Lulu. (Though how you could be best friends with two people, Heero couldn't figure out. Especially a girl 'cause everybody knew they had cooties... Wufei said so.)

He looked in the kitchen and he looked in the kid's bathroom in the basement and he even looked in the closet where the mops went, but no Milly.

Then Heero got an idea where Milly might be hiding. Kids weren't supposed to go in the big church room where Father talked on Sunday. Well... unless it actually was Sunday, but that was sort of different cause then they had to go. But Heero figured he was going to be in trouble after he punched Milly anyway, how much more sweeping could he do for going in the big room? It was the last place to look, and Heero wasn't about to go back and tell Duo that Milly still needed punching. This was a mission after all.

So in Heero went, even though the big door was really heavy and even though it was kind of scary in the big room when it was empty 'cause it made funny noises and made your own footsteps sound like they were following you. Heero didn't like the big room, but if Milly was in there... he was going in.

Heero didn't find Milly, but he found Sister.

'Uh-oh' was what Heero thought, but he was a big boy and he knew you didn't say things like that out-loud or you just got in trouble. Even if Father and Sister didn't know you ought to be in trouble, they sure knew after the 'uh-oh'. So Heero kept that to himself and tried to make the 'I'm gonna punch somebody' look go away from his face. It didn't work too good; Duo was better at making the face that made Sister smile and pat his head. Heero got pats too, but Sister always seemed to know when he was 'up to something'.

'Heero, what are you up to?' Sister asked, standing up from where she had been stacking books and it made Heero shuffle his feet and put his mad hand behind his back. He tried not to look up toward the scary statue behind the place where Father stood when he talked, and wondered if maybe there was something to all that God stuff after all, cause how else did Sister always know?

'Nothin',' Heero said, and looked down at his sneakers, noticing that one of them was untied and he thought that he ought to fix that in case he had to chase Milly down.

'Were you looking for me, Heero?' Sister asked, and for a minute Heero thought about saying yes, but that would have been lying and while that was kind of ok with him, lying made Duo upset. So Heero told the truth since it was a bestest friend mission and all.

'Lookin' for Milly,' he mumbled, still staring at his shoes, and thought he heard Sister sigh.

Sister came and knelt down in front of Heero and smiled at him kind of funny. 'Now why would you be looking for Milly, Heero?' she asked. 'You two have never really... gotten along.'

Heero frowned and tried to keep looking at his shoes, but it was hard with Sister right there in front of him. He didn't want to lie, because Duo didn't like lies, but he didn't really want to tell the truth either, because Sister probably wouldn't let Heero finish his mission if she knew what it was. Maybe he could not lie but just not tell all the parts? Duo was really, really good at that, and Heero wished his best friend was with him to help with the talking parts. 'He made Duo cry,' he finally blurted, and hoped for the best.

'What?' Sister asked, and she sounded kind of upset. Not upset like when Cathy fell out of the tree upset, but more like when Quatre spilled his milk upset. 'Why don't you tell me what's going on?'

Sister kind of liked Duo sort of like a favorite, even though she said she didn't have favorites and not that Heero minded since he was Duo's best friend and all, but he thought maybe Sister might get mad at Milly too if she just knew what he'd done. Maybe getting Milly in trouble would be as good as punching him? And Heero wouldn't have to sweep the church after all? Or was that cheating?

'He made Duo cry cause he's mean and bigger than us and Duo's in the sink and he won't come out and I gave him Mr. Silver until I get back to keep him company but I hat... don't like Milly very much at all a whole bunch 'cause Duo is just cryin' and he doesn't even want my pudding for dinner tonight!'

Sister just sort of looked at him for a long time and Heero thought maybe she didn't get it at all, because wouldn't she have mad fists too if she knew that Duo was crying because of what Milly did? Heero thought maybe he should try to explain more, but Sister finally just patted his head and said, 'Maybe you should just show me where Duo is, ok?'

'Ok,' Heero agreed, though he wasn't so sure he wanted to go back and tell Duo he hadn't found Milly yet. Though maybe it would be good to check on Duo anyway. Mr. Silver was pretty good company, and Heero trusted him with Duo, but he kinda hoped Duo didn't get snot all over Mr. Silver's fur. That was gross.

Heero took Sister's hand and he led her out of the big room and downstairs to the basement, Sister's heels making that clack-clack sound as they went. When they got to the big bathroom, Heero made Sister stop and wait while he made the secret knock on the door so that Duo would know it was him, and then they went in.

Sister stopped in the middle of the bathroom and looked around, her face all frowny and confused, 'Heero, Duo isn't...' she started to say, but then Duo snuffled so Heero went and opened the cabinet under the sink.

Heero was happy that Mr. Silver didn't look snotty.

'Duo!' Sister said, voice kind of high and funny. 'What on Earth are you doing?'

'Nothin',' Duo said, and then glared at his best friend. 'Heero!' he said in that hissy voice that the girls used during church to tell each other to shut up for talking while Father was talking. 'You weren't supposed to tell!'

Heero felt his tummy go all funny and his face feel all hot. Duo had never ever ever been mad at him before, and he didn't know what to do. He didn't know that Duo being under the sink was a secret even from Sister. Heero hadn't meant to be a bad best friend. But maybe he was, because Milly still needed punching and Duo was mad and... and...

Heero began to cry.

Duo came out from under the sink then, all fast like you went when you were playing keep away, and toilet paper rolls went all over the floor. Duo pushed Mr. Silver into Heero's arms and he patted his back and then Duo began to cry.

Sister said something about a vacation, and then she sat right down on the bathroom floor in her long black nun skirt and everything, and hugged them both into her lap. And Mr. Silver too.

Sister waited until the snuffle sounds stopped, which didn't take very long, 'cause it sounded really extra loud in the big bathroom, and made Heero feel kind of like everybody could hear. Then she pulled out a handkerchief thing and wiped their faces. Handkerchiefs are like a kleenix only you don't throw them away when you were done, which Heero thought was kind of gross.

'Now then,' Sister said, 'why don't you tell me what's going on?'

Heero waited for Duo to tell, but Duo just looked upset again and kind of like he was going to cry some more so Heero blurted out, 'Milly needs punching!'

'Heero!' Sister said. 'We don't punch people! We've talked about this before...'

'Milly isn't a people!' Heero explained, hugging Mr. Silver close and wishing he was a real pirate bear so he and Heero would have a ship full of pirates to find Milly with. 'He's a bully!'

Heero thought he might get his mouth washed out for using a 'four letter word', but he wasn't real sure how you spelled bully, and he got really confused on that whole counting thing anyway, because he was pretty sure 'love' and 'cake' were four letter words too, but you didn't get in trouble for saying those. And you really got in trouble for saying that word that Trowa said, and Heero was just about sure it was way bigger than four letters.

Kind of made him wonder why grown ups gave you rules to help you figure stuff out, if the rules were all the time kinda wrong.

Sister closed her eyes a minute like she did when she was asking God for something and Heero hoped it was for God to get mad at Milly and not Heero. Then she took a big breath and said. 'All right... let's just start with what Milly did, shall we?'

Heero looked at Duo, cause it was really Duo's thing to tell, but Duo just looked all upset again, so Heero whispered, 'Go ahead,' even though they were still sitting there together in Sister's lap.

Duo just shook his head back and forth until Heero felt dizzy.

'Come on,' Heero said, wanting to just say it all himself, and not wait for Duo to do it. 'It was pretty!'

Duo stopped shaking his head and just looked at Heero, the tears starting again. 'Not any more. It's ugly now.'

Heero's chest felt really funny again, only different from when Duo yelled at him. Heero wanted more than anything in the world to make Duo's tears stop, but he wasn't sure how without being able to punch Milly, so he gave Duo Mr. Silver back. 'It was pretty! And... and... we'll fix it!'

Heero scrambled off Sister's lap and went head first under the sink and if there was any toilet paper left under there, it was rolling away with the rest before Heero found what he was looking for.

When he found the paper all balled up, he knew Milly was getting punched no matter what Sister said. Even if Heero had to wait until they were all grown up and moved away to do it.

He scrambled back with the ball of paper, intent on showing Sister. Sister could fix just about anything, after all, but Duo just looked... very not happy, and kind of red in the face.

It made Heero think things that he wasn't sure he could explain. Wasn't even sure he really understood, even though the ideas were in his own head. The best he could think was that pretty wasn't very strong. That special was something that needed to be looked after. Like... like... the special church things that Father kept put away except for the most specialist of Sundays. Like that, only different.

It seemed like a bestest friend sort of mission, so even though Heero could tell Duo just wanted to make the paper disappear, Heero knew it was a Right Thing kind of time.

'Duo made it for you,' he told Sister in his most serious and 'sponsible' voice. Duo buried his face in Mr. Silver's fur and hid, but Heero didn't even care about his bear maybe getting icky. 'It was really, really pretty... but Milly marked all over it. He said the words were all wrong. But it was special.' Heero held the wadded up paper out. 'Can you fix it, Sister? Please?'

Sister let go of them to use both hands to take the paper, and Heero thought about the time the baby bird had gotten blown out of its nest and Sister had put it back. She held the paper just like that, all extra careful.

It took a bit of time, but Sister worked the paper out of its ball and back into a almost flat shape. Heero chewed on his lip while he watched her work, but Duo just hid behind Mr. Silver and made little hiccup noises every now and again.

When Sister finally got the paper all unsquished, Heero could tell she was reading the words and then she hugged Duo tight and gave him a kiss on top of his head, and said, 'Oh, Duo...' in a voice that made the paper special again.

Duo came out from behind Mr. Silver and his smile was back. Sister didn't give kisses just all the time, you had to get a boo-boo or save old lady Marks from sitting in gum or something really special. So Heero knew right away that he'd been right about Duo's paper being pretty.

'It's a beautiful poem, Duo,' Sister said. 'Thank you very much.'

It made Heero feel kind of all puffed up and proud, since Duo was his best friend, but he didn't say anything since there was something bad about pride and falling down, but Heero couldn't remember what. He figured he'd just have to be extra careful on the stairs for a couple of days and he'd probably be ok.

'It was my first ever try,' Duo told Sister and she smiled even more. 'Can you fix it?'

Sister hugged him again. 'I think I have just the thing,' she said. 'Some special colored paper in my office. You can write the poem again, and then we'll decorate the edges and I'll put it on my wall for safe keeping.'

'Ok!' Duo said scrambled up so that Sister could get off the floor.

'Now you two pick this mess up and there'll be no more talk of punching anybody, all right?' Sister was still smiling just a bit, but she had her hands on her hips in that way that meant business so they just nodded.

'Yes Sister,' they said together and then she left the bathroom, her shoes making echoy clack-clacking noises until the door shut.

Duo looked down at all the rolls of toilet paper and sighed. 'Not fair.'

'What?' Heero asked, and took his bear back so Duo could start picking up the rolls.

'Milly is the bully!' Duo grumped. 'How come we're stuck cleaning up? And I don't want to write the poem again, I wanted Sister to fix it!'

Heero nudged a roll of toilet paper with his foot so it rolled toward the sink. 'And I'm not even supposed to punch Milly.'

Duo sighed again and stuck toilet paper on his fingers, trying to waggle them, but the rolls just fell off and rolled away again. 'Stupid Milly,' he said.

'Yeah,' Heero agreed and carefully sat Mr. Silver on the edge of the sink to watch while he helped Duo chase down rolls.

'All his fault,' Duo said, and sounded like he sounded when all the chocolate cookies were gone before he got his turn and he got one of the raisin ones.

Heero stopped with a roll under each arm and one in each hand and looked at Duo with his serious face. 'I'm real sorry I didn't find Milly like I promised.'

'It's ok,' Duo said, trying to pick up five rolls stacked one on top of the other, but they all fell down and Duo only put away the bottom one that didn't get away because he was holding that one. Then he came close and whispered in Heero's ear, sounding very brave, 'Milly's just an old dumb-butt anyway!'

'Duo!' Heero gasped, because he knew darn well that was a bad word no matter how many letters there were in it, but Sister didn't show up right away with the soap, so maybe God hadn't been paying attention to tell her.

'Well he is,' Duo said and was suddenly giggling and Heero couldn't help giggling with him.

'Dumb-butt!' he said, all breathless and feeling brave himself, and Heero guessed that if God got mad, at least he'd be mad at both of them. Duo just laughed harder until his voice was bouncing off the walls. Which was kind of creepy, so they 'settled down' and finished with the toilet paper really quick.

When it was all put away and the cabinet door mostly shut except for where it wouldn't close quite all the way, Heero grabbed Mr. Silver and they ran for the door.

'Hey,' Duo said as they headed for the stairs, and his grin looked kind of like it did right before Sister wanted to know what he was up to. 'Sister really only said we couldn't talk about punching Milly.'

Heero grinned back and knew they better not let Sister see them for awhile. 'Yeah!' Maybe he wouldn't fail his bestest friend mission after all.

Duo grabbed his hand as they started up the stairs. 'I'll help you sweep!'

OWARI

 

Back to Sunhawk's Fanfictions Page

Back to Guests Fanfictions Page

Back to Main Page