Author's Note: This fits with chapter fifty two of Witness.
Diary of a Protected Witness Part 43
Bad Ideas
I'll tell ya, there was just nothing that made my heart soar more than seeing Heero's deep blue eyes staring at me when I dragged my eyes open the next morning. It had been the feather-soft touch of his lips on my cheek that woke me in the first place; but seeing him awake and alert again brought me to full consciousness.
"Feelin' better?"
"Much."
And he was, too. We flirted pretty mercilessly about him having a shower, and I went and made coffee and brought him a cup, before going back out to see what I could make for breakfast.
I was disappointedly rummaging through our stuff for something worth cooking when the cottage door opened and Chang and Catherine stumbled in carrying bags of groceries. And here I thought they'd been sleeping in after our marathon of the past couple of days.
"Just in time!" I crowed, snatching the carton of eggs that was sticking out of one sack. "Heero's hungry."
Chang's eyes lit up at once. "He's awake!"
I nodded confirmation. "Awake and clamoring for a shower. I told him he's gotta wait until Catherine checks out the shoulder."
"I can do it right now," she offered.
Wufei caught her before she made it out of the kitchen. "You can do it after you have some food, Catherine," he said firmly. "If Yuy's demanding a shower, he's feeling well enough for you to eat before you resume your medical duties."
"'Fei's right," I agreed. "Heero's got coffee, and he's waiting for food. So I'll whip something up and feed him while you two are eating. Then he can have his checkup and shower."
Catherine gave both Chang and me dirty looks, but settled at the table and rested her chin on her hands, telling me about the walk she and her new beau had taken down to the town at the base of the cliffs, while I unloaded the food.
I found a few jars of spices thrown in the groceries and smirked at Chang. "You're learning, aren't ya?" I teased.
He shrugged one shoulder. "I pay attention. Those seemed to be some of the seasonings you used the most at our previous locations. I thought they might come in handy."
"We might be laying low, but we're gonna eat good--is that it?"
"When each meal might be our last--why not?" he grinned back.
Why not, indeed? I put together a breakfast that even Zechs would've been proud of.
And I would've spoon fed it to Heero if he'd let me. But that stubborn asshole sat up and ate on his own, grumbled when Catherine announced that he could shower only if I helped him there and back, and then tried to molest me in that selfsame shower. Macho shit.
He freakin' scared me half to death when he lost his balance in there, too. I hauled his ass back to bed, feeling like an idiot for thinking he might be strong enough for sex after he'd been shot a couple of days before.
But then, there was nothing wrong with me--no reason I couldn't do all the work and let him enjoy the pleasure of it--right?
I gotta say, the way Heero's gaze followed me as I strutted towards him in all my naked glory, was a serious turn-on. I could just about feel the heat of it. And while it made me horny as hell, it also made me just plain hungry for him.
I gave him the best blowjob of my life--relishing every second of it. And when he gasped and came all at once, I swear to God, it was more satisfying than if it'd been me on the receiving end. When he looked at me with a sort of dazed and euphoric expression, I felt totally and utterly--complete.
I fuckin' loved the guy more every minute.
When I curled up next to him, basking in his warmth, I felt a wave of sheer contentment.
God--what a sap I'd become--
I woke before he did, and slipped away to the kitchen to grab some lunch and see about making it for everyone.
Catherine and Wufei were playing cards at the table when I emerged from the bedroom, and I thanked my lucky stars I'd had the good sense to throw on some jeans and a faded tee shirt.
Hey--when ya parade around naked as much as I have, clothes are sort of an afterthought, y'know?
"Is Heero resting comfortably?" Catherine piped up.
"Sleepin' like a baby," I assured her. "I figured I'd wake him to eat some lunch in a little while."
"He should have more soup," she told me. "And maybe half a sandwich. He needs something substantial to help build up his strength."
"How's tunafish? Not much chewing involved--it oughta go down pretty easy."
She nodded, and I started poking through canned goods.
"Maxwell--we've been discussing the best way to get you into the courthouse," Wufei spoke up, laying his cards down on the table.
I knew they had. I'd caught enough snatches of conversation to realize it was a very real concern.
"Trowa said--"
"I know what Trowa said!" I blurted, cutting Catherine off in mid-sentence. "And he was fuckin' joking."
It had been back at that stupid stockyard, while we were exchanging cars, and I was too worried for Heero to really pay attention to what was going on around me.
Trowa had reminded Catherine about one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
I love the guy; I swear I do. But I'd have happily strangled him when he blurted out that I could dress up in chick's clothes to get into the courthouse.
Instead, I'd stupidly counted on Chang to be the voice of reason, or decency, or something. But, nope--he'd just given me a long, speculative look and said "It might work, Barton..."
I'd hated them both.
And her.
Cathy had grinned widely and nodded eagerly. "It could!" she squealed. "If we dressed him up and styled his hair--maybe put on a bit of makeup--"
"No!" I'd said flatly.
"Aw, Shini--you could totally carry it off," Trowa'd thrown in with that cajoling tone that meant I was thoroughly fucked. In fact, he'd used the same tone when he suckered me into the losing bet that resulted in my first, and what I thought would be my last, cross-dressing incident.
I swear, if I hadn't been so worried about Heero, and getting him to a place where Cathy could tend to his wound, I'd have never let the argument drop. But I had. I'd heard Heero let out a pained groan in the car, and dashed back to cradle his head and whisper soothing reassurances, letting Chang and the others carry on their unwelcome conversation outside, and hoping my departure would clue them in that the issue was closed.
But obviously Chang and Catherine wanted to re-open it.
"No!" I repeated, back in the here and now, and determined to nip the awful idea in the bud.
"They'd never expect it," Chang mused, dark eyes glimmering with a devious light.
"Not in a million years," Cathy agreed.
"That's 'cause I'm a guy," I asserted. "And proud of it. I'm not puttin' on a dress to sneak into the courthouse. Never."
"Hey, it fooled the guys at The Jungle," Catherine reminded me.
"Only 'til they saw the braid," I pointed out.
"Do tell!" Chang demanded, a positively unholy gleam in his eyes.
I so did not want to go there right now.
But apparently they did--so Cathy told the whole sordid story that Trowa had obviously regaled her with.
She told Chang how I'd bet that Trowa couldn't out drink the reigning champion of tequila shots at The Jungle. I'd really been counting on Nicky to thoroughly trounce him.
Little did I know at the time, Trowa had hedged his bet by sharing a pizza with extra pepperoni and anchovies with the guy before I got there. Apparently Nicky filled up on pizza, while Trowa nibbled a bit--and after the first seven or eight shots, Nicky lost the liquor and the pizza in a spectacular bout of vomiting right there on the floor of the bar.
Unfortunately, Trowa hadn't told me about the setup until after I'd paid up on my end of the wager, and done a striptease to "Dude Looks Like a Lady," starting out in an evening gown, thigh-high stockings and spiked heels.
It was the most humiliating thing I've ever done--and I'm including the time my boyfriend du jour and I got caught having sex on a horse statue in a public park.
"Trowa said they went wild over him," Cathy told Chang, who was doing way too much hanging on her every word.
She was--more or less correct. Once the audience had realized it was me, they about brought the house down.
Y'see, I started out in center stage, with my back to the audience...one hand holding the gleaming silver pole, and the other resting on my hip...my braid pulled forward over a shoulder.
I was wearing a sort of shimmery silver gown--floor-length, with a gathered train of lace in the back, and sequins over both shoulder straps and scattered on the skirt--along with matching full-length gloves. I'd had to fuckin' shave my legs for the stupid performance, so I could wear the thigh-high silver fishnet stockings and the lace-up high heels.
There were slits down both sides of that dress, and I had one leg stuck out to the side in a pose as the spotlight lit up and the music began with that silly little riff that you first hear. I couldn't help but rock a hip to the sound, letting the music sort of wash over me and drown out the embarrassment as much as possible.
But as soon as the beat kicked in and I started actually moving to it, I heard the sound of booing and jeering.
"What's with the chick?"
"Hey, this is a gay bar--where's the guys?"
"Get lost lady!"
I was fuckin' getting booed off the stage, just about!
Meanwhile, Trowa was in the wings, nearly busting a gut.
Oh, I almost forgot the part where I had a feathered boa around my neck, too. Before someone could decide to try to drag me off stage by it, I had the presence of mind to flip my braid back over my shoulder so it swung against the silky fabric in plain sight.
Suddenly there was a collective gasp from the crowd, and cheers of "Shinigami" broke out. And then thunderous clapping.
Jesus--at least the impending riot had been averted. That was the plus side. On the minus side--all the regulars at The Jungle realized they were lookin' at Shinigami in drag. How humiliating!
But I was nothing if not adaptable. I let the music just carry me, and rocked and strutted like I was proud to be out there, twirling the first long glove I'd peeled off and tossing it into the crowd.
At the part in the song where they say "--she whipped out a gun and tried to blow me away--" I pulled out the .38 I had strapped to one thigh and leveled it at the crowd.
Relax--it wasn't loaded. But they just went wild over the gesture and I actually began to get into the performance. Yeah, that "let me take a peek, dear" had me hiking up the skirt to tease at the edge of the thong I was wearing under it...and by the time they got to "oo, he was a lady" I was yanking off the break-away dress altogether.
I ended up naked, save for the thigh-highs, the heels, and a teensy little silver thong--prancing to the music and just hamming it up for all I was worth.
Part of that might've been the considerable amount of tequila I'd downed while getting dressed. Hey, I hadda psych myself up somehow!
By all accounts, and judging by the screams for an encore, it was a successful performance.
One I never wanted to repeat.
And I was being asked to reenact it for a courthouse full of people, sort of. I was not happy with the idea.
But Chang suggested running the idea past Heero, and while I've never been a religious man, I prayed with all my heart to God, the saints, and the Devil himself, that my lover would reject the idea as nonsensical and hopeless.
Showed how much I knew.
TBC...
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