Author's Note: This fits with chapters thirty-one and thirty-two of Witness.
Diary of a Protected Witness Part 25
Meltdown
Where to begin?
So much has happened in such a short time, that it's kind of hard to summarize. Guess I'll have to just sort of run through it all.
First off, I got left with Chang the Babysitter. And while, on the surface, that might appear to be a bad thing, it was not total Hell. (Well, until the end, and I'll get to that soon enough.)
Apparently Quatre and Trowa wanted to take Heero sightseeing on the lake or something, and he decided I couldn't tag along for "safety reasons." What a load of crap! After all we'd been through, and how I'd proven I could hike with the best of 'em, you'd think the guy would give me credit.
But no--I got left behind.
Oh, he was nice about it--so nice, in fact, that I accused him of being an alien or something. And then I tormented him a bit by flirting with Trowa. He might not want to fuck me again, but it was pretty obvious he didn't want anyone else doing it either.
And what's up with that? I mean, shit--like I'd let a body like this go to waste? Not likely.
Anyhow, back to the whole Day with Wuffers...
I got the tight-ass to take his shirt off. Yep. And let his hair down, too. Apparently the Maxwell Charm works on straight guys, too. Or Chang's closer to bi than he'd ever want to let on.
At any rate, I got to sketch that gorgeous, silky hair and those amazing shoulders and biceps. Fuck--it made the whole day worthwhile, though it also made me kind of horny. Not for Chang! Shit--never! He's drool-worthy, but untouchable.
But I'd have risked life and limb and thrown myself at Heero if he'd shown up right about then.
Instead, Chang and I moved on to meditation. And it wasn't totally heinous. He made me sit in a screwy position--but I'm limber, and so it was pretty easy.
And I needed a mantra and a focus point. I settled for imagining the blue of Heero's eyes as a deep lake between towering mountains. Yeah, that's a soothing image.
The thing about Heero's eyes is that they just about shine with competence and determination. You can't help but feel safe when he's all focused on protecting you. And like I'd said before, he could guard my body any time!
I don't know why Heero's eyes make me feel safe and like everything will somehow be okay--but they do. Go figure.
After the meditation, I was feeling pretty mellow, truth be told. Not as mellow as a joint might've made me--but close. So--points for Chang.
Then he went to get us something to snack on, and I flicked on the television for a bit of afternoon diversion. And the whole world went to shit...
//...an explosion in downtown Sanc...taking out several buildings, most of which were empty warehouses, but...//
Fuck! I knew before the camera had panned onto the ruins that I was looking at the Maxwell Church Orphanage.
And the world went white and silent, and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart as I realized Treize Khushrenda killed dozens of innocent freakin' kids to get to me!
I guess I kind of zoned out for a bit. I kind of remember screaming and yelling and throwing things around the kitchen. Chang started out trying to settle me down, without much success, and when he realized how futile it was, he must've called the others.
Next thing I knew, he got me in some kind of lock hold, pinning my arms at my sides and whispering over and over that it'd be okay--that Heero was on his way back.
Didn't occur to me at the time to wonder how he knew that was who I wanted to see. And for the life of me, I don't know why it was the thought of Heero's return that calmed me down enough to stop throwing a fit and relax into Wufei's tight embrace.
He was behind me, his arms wrapped around my chest, and his face pressed almost cheek to cheek with mine.
"Breathe, Duo. Slowly. In and out."
I remember him repeating that in a slow, steady rhythm, just like in our earlier meditation session. It eventually got me drawing deep, shuddering breaths, though I know I was shaking like a leaf in his grasp.
Then I saw the boat pulling up to the dock, and broke away without another thought, dashing down the hill and into the first pair of arms I met.
Of course, it was Trowa. I wanted to throw myself into Heero's arms, but I didn't dare--especially not with Chang watching. But I think maybe, when Trowa ran to meet me and let me slam into him at full speed to cling sobbing against his warm, solid chest, I saw a flicker of what might have been jealousy cross Heero's face. I didn't have time to dwell on it right then.
"Dead--they're all dead!"
Yeah, I was hysterical--right up until Quat's hand cracked me in the face. And then he told me he'd moved the orphans--hidden them away at one of his family-run summer camps.
I could've fuckin' kissed the guy. But I settled for a hug and some heartfelt thanks--and then meekly let Trowa escort me back to the house and help me dull the hysteria with a more than substantial dose of alcohol.
Hey--you'd have drunk yourself into oblivion too at that point.
The evening was a blur. I know they fed me. And we talked about our plans--how we had to leave the lake house. I started to get a little riled that it seemed like Yuy and the others had made plans without my input; it reminded me of Zechs' tendency to take control.
But when we talked about Catherine and involving her--I realized just how many lives my stupidity had affected, and I felt like shit for ever hooking up with someone like Zechs. I should've known better. I knew he was a drug lord--Khushrenada's right hand man--it was common knowledge on the streets, and I just ignored that fact when I realized I had a chance with a hot, take-charge guy like Zechs Merquise.
Fuck, I wanted Treize dead. The bastard killed Zechs, and now he was going after everyone else important to me. Did he really think that'd bring me out of hiding? That I'd risk meeting up with him? That I was stupid enough to believe he wanted anything from me other than my death?
Asshole.
Y'know--I downplayed the time he'd sent flowers to my dressing room. Zechs was the one who flew off the handle at that little trespass. In all honesty, I didn't know what he'd done to make Treize back off--I'd always heard that Khushrenada got whatever he wanted. And at some point, he'd wanted me.
Guess that was old news now. I mean--yeah, he still wanted me. Dead.
And what scared me the most was that he seemed to know how to yank my chain. He knew that hurting the kids from the orphanage was a sure way to draw me out. Maybe he thought I'd offer to trade myself in return for the safety of my friends--or maybe he just wanted to make me angry enough to do something stupid like try to confront him.
Either way, he was close to getting what he wanted. And yeah, I might've caved to Khushrenada's heavy-handed tactics, if not for both Heero and Wufei.
Wufei got me through the first horrible moments after I found out about the orphanage. And Heero--well, he got me through the rest.
That's not to say Trowa didn't deserve a hefty bit of credit for dosing me liberally with alcohol and talking me down. And Quat--well, shit--I owed him the lives of all the kids as well as Father Maxwell and Sister Helen.
But what stands out in my mind about that night is the way Heero acted from the moment he got off that boat.
First off, I could tell he wanted to offer some sort of comfort, though he held back in front of his partner. But that was okay, since I was still digesting the morning's change in his attitude.
Then later, during and after supper, I caught him watching me with concern in those deep blue eyes, and it warmed me more than I cared to admit.
When Tro' and Quat left for their romantic lakeside rendezvous, I was more than willing to meet Heero halfway, and made my way down to the hot tub to take a stab at smoothing things over from our rocky start that morning.
It went better than I dared hope, when he went so far as to hold my hand. If Chang hadn't interrupted, who knows? I might've gotten my own dose of sex in the hot tub.
'S okay though--'cause I got it later.
In the grip of the most horrific nightmare I'd ever had--a sickening vision of Heero taking Zechs' place in that penthouse, and Khushrenada taunting me before killing him--I woke to find myself in Heero's arms once again.
Right where I wanted to be.
I clung to him, desperate for his touch--hungry to taste him and feel the heat of his passion again--to have him prove he was alive by fucking me through the mattress.
The bastard made me practically beg for it, though. He balked and I caved, trying to let him know that he wasn't just a warm body to hold for a night--that it was him, and only him I wanted.
I thought he'd pull back again--fend me off yet another time. I think I might've gone crazy if he did.
But he finally surrendered to his desires, and I sank back to the bed expecting a repeat of our first time--hot and wild and explosive.
Instead, he turned the tables on me by being the most gentle and thorough lover I'd ever known--bar none. I almost couldn't believe it was the same guy who'd fucked me through the floor less than a week earlier...the same one who'd threatened to shoot me on more than one occasion.
He was so very--tender--it just took my breath away every bit as much as his unbridled passion had.
I wasn't sure what to do.
Yeah, me. The one who's always been sure of himself--always known what he wanted when it came to sex. I was just--lost.
His kisses were gentle, but deep and thorough--and every touch light as a feather, but enough to send fire tracking in its wake.
I tried to find words for it--but was pretty much relegated to gasps and moans--maybe even a whimper or two.
He touched, and stroked, and teased until I was close to screaming in frustration, and then he feathered soft kisses over my face as he pushed into me--the steady throb of his cock matching the heartbeat I could feel when my lips touched his chest, and reassuring me that he was real, and alive, and so deep inside me I knew I'd never be able to live without him again.
"Alive..."
Yeah, I knew for sure he was alive when he brought me over the edge, spilling myself all over his hand and my stomach, only to feel the strong pulse of his release deep inside me, even through the condom.
Aw, fuck.
I couldn't even try to call what passed between us that night lust. It was passion--definitely; I could feel the heat down to my core. It was reassurance; soothing away my fears. And it was--something intangible--some feeling of "rightness" I couldn't begin to describe.
If I hadn't been so exhausted and drained, I might have lain awake the rest of the night obsessing over it. But he'd taken so long building up to our climaxes that I had no energy left to worry about the feelings behind his actions or mine. I just let myself sink into oblivion, reassured that he was safe and alive in my bed.
It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up alone, feeling the familiar dull ache in my ass, that I panicked-- I was in love with a cop.
There. I said it. Admitted it to myself. I loved Heero Yuy.
But, shit. What did he feel about all this? He'd said he didn't do "casual." But by the same token, we'd talked about my going into relocation and how all we could have was the here and now.
So was he just taking what I offered? Having one of those "moments" I'd so glibly talked about? Did he expect me to be able to say goodbye when this was over and go on my way without him?
Jesus Christ, I was in deep.
OWARI
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