Author: Merula
Pairings: 1x2
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Yaoi, Angst
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.
No Braid Part 1
I reached up and settled my black cap a little more firmly on my head. Funny how much different it fitted these days... I twitched my shoulders, missing the feeling of the heavy weight of hair I knew should be there...
Better the braid than the neck, I reminded myself for the hundredth time. And at least Une had managed to get across to the Preventers that I didn't want to be asked why my braid was gone...
I tucked myself a little more securely into the corner of the small café, ignoring the pain in my side that flared to life at the movement. I frowned at the screen in front of me. Enforced leave- I hated it. Didn't they know I needed to stay busy? But Une had called in Sally and Quatre to back her up. I couldn't stand my ground against both of them and their arguments. I was injured- even the file room would put stress on my injuries. I had been working too much- I needed a break. The last mission had been hard on me.
My lips twisted at that phrase. Hard on me. Yeah, that was one way to put it. Without thinking, I reached up and tugged on the end of the small ponytail that stuck out of the back of the cap.
So, here I was. On enforced leave. Hell if I'd call it vacation. At least Quatre had booked me someplace that wasn't filled with tourists. Not a bad little town, sort of nice really. Probably filled with tourists during the season, but pretty peaceful now.
It wasn't its fault that I wished it was a little less peaceful. I didn't want to relax and unwind. I wanted to be busy. Being busy kept my mind off other things.
My program wasn't running quite right. Maybe I should adjust it a little? I opened up the files and tried to focus on it. I needed this program to work. Maybe this one would be the one that would give me the help I needed...
After three years of following every lead, every dead end... maybe I should move on. That's what he told me to do, but I can't. Even now, when I'm supposed to be avoiding anything to do with work, I'm still looking for him.
"I have to go."
"Go? Did they give you a mission?"
"No. I resigned."
"Resigned? What the hell for?"
He reached out and pulled me into a tight embrace, his fingers sliding into my braid to hold me still. "I need to- I can't do this anymore, Duo, I can't. I feel so fragmented... the nightmares..."
I held him back, just as tight. "I know. I didn't think the Preventers was a good idea- but they needed us. If you want to quit, that's fine with me."
He sighed. "Thank you. I'll miss you-"
"Miss me? What-"
"I told you. I have to go."
"Then I'll go with you-"
"No. You're... you're doing fine. Fitting in. Doing good things. They need you."
"But- I need you-"
"No. I think... I think I'm holding you back-"
"You- you can't be serious! Heero, I know that around the office-"
"And with Une too. I'm a liability. For the Preventers- and for you."
"That's bullshit. Heero, you-"
"It's not. Look what happened on the last mission! You nearly died! And it was my fault. They're right- I'm not good for the Preventers- or for you. I have to go."
And he'd gone. I'd tried to stop him, but...
Gods, how many times did I have to go over it in my head? There had to have been something I could've said- something I could've done to make him stay...
Or maybe not. Maybe he wanted to go. Maybe it was just a nice way of dumping me. It's not you; it's me and all of that shit.
I lifted my coffee cup to my lips and swallowed the rest. I didn't really want anymore coffee- the last thing I needed was to be awake and staring at the ceiling all night. Granted, Sally had given me some sleeping pills as well as pain pills- but the one night I'd tried them I hadn't been able to wake up from the nightmares...
Wasn't doing that again. No way.
Standing up, I pulled on my jacket, picked up my case and headed for the door. Maybe I'd stop and get a sandwich at that place down the street- easier to take something home than eat out by yourself.
As I reached the door, it swung open, and a couple stepped in, laughing and talking. I tried to step around them, but my case caught the guy's elbow.
"Sorry," I muttered and glanced up at him.
And my heart stopped.
We stared at each other for a moment, and I'm sure my expression mirrored his. He looked completely stunned.
"Duo?"
"Heero?" But that wasn't my voice, that was girl, now standing by the counter, smiling and beckoning.
She was very blond, very pretty - and very pregnant...
Oh no. No. No. No... not this. Please, no...
"Duo?" Heero reached out and gripped my elbow. "What are you doing here?" His eyes flicked over me- and I could tell he wasn't pleased.
"Heero?" The girl was headed for us, slowly, one hand on her back, her expression questioning.
I so was not going to do this.
Wrenching my elbow free, I swung open the door and ran for it.
I pelted down the street, already planning my escape in my head. I could get my stuff out of my room, check out and be out of this town before sunset.
Pain flared in my side, bright and hot, but I wasn't going to stop. Not until I was out of this damn town. Why had Quatre sent me here of all the fucking places...
Three years... I wasted three years of my life looking for him... and he'd already moved on...
Somewhere along the way he'd must've lost his nightmares. And why wouldn't he? I had been a constant reminder of what he'd been trying to forget...
He'd moved on. Just like he'd told me to do. I should've listened to him...
My legs were protesting now, and I could feel the side of my shirt growing damp- and I would bet that it wasn't sweat.
Didn't matter- I had bandages- I'd just rewrap the damn thing... wouldn't take five minutes.
Blond again... guess he really did have a thing for them, despite all his protests about not being attracted to 'Lena...
Why the hell was I thinking like this?
I reached the bungalow and fumbled with my keys. My legs were shaking and I wanted badly to just collapse on the mat... but I couldn't. I had to get out of here...
Quatre. I'd go in and call Quatre. Tell him that I was coming back, that Une had to give me another assignment. I needed another assignment.
As I opened the door, I caught the sound of footsteps behind me.
He didn't!
For a bizarre moment I was angry with him because of the girl. What the hell had he told her when he left to follow me? Was she now the one waiting for him to come back to her?
"Duo..."
"Go away." I told him, not turning around. "I'm packing right now. You won't have to worry about running into me again."
"But you- didn't you come here looking for me?"
"No. Not that I haven't been looking for you for the last three fucking years. Not that I haven't spent all my free time searching for you, because I fucking well did. But no, I didn't come here looking for you. I'm here because I'm on fucking enforced leave, which I am going to be taken off of the minute I can get Quatre on the damn phone."
My voice was too loud. I snapped my mouth shut and forced myself to breathe slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. Little black dots were dancing in the corners of my eyes.
I needed to sit down... I'd be fine if I could just sit down... I turned a little, leaning on the door. Keys- in the lock- I could do this...
I heard his sudden exclamation. "You're bleeding!"
"It's nothing," I snapped, finally managing to get the keys into the lock. "I can deal. Go away."
The door swung open, much to my relief, but I had forgotten that I was using it for support. Only Heero's reflexes kept me from hitting the floor.
"Duo- what the hell have you done to yourself?"
"Me? This was all the work of other people..." The back of my knees hit the sofa and I was more than happy to just sit down. "Thanks. You can go now." I closed my eyes and hoped I wasn't bleeding all over the sofa. I didn't think the rental people would like that.
"I'm not leaving you like this. Where are your first aid supplies?"
"I can-"
"No. You can't. Either let me help you or I'm taking you to the hospital."
The sickly smell of ether, underneath that the coppery tang of blood, of rot...the gleam of the blades... of his smile...
Heero's fingers tightened on my arm. "Duo? Duo!"
I shook myself, banishing the memory, realizing that I had wrapped my hands in Heero's shirt, holding him in place.
My throat was too dry. "No. No hospital. Please." I forced my fingers to let go of him. "Bandages are in the bathroom- in my case."
Heero got to his feet and I sank back down on the sofa, forcing myself to take deep breaths, banishing the memories back to their place.
A moment later and Heero was back with my case. "Just relax- let me do this, okay?"
I really didn't want him helping me. "You left her- in the coffee shop-"
"I explained. Please Duo- it's getting bad." He tugged at my jacket and I let him help me take it off. I couldn't think of another excuse- and besides, once my bandage was changed, he'd go and I could call Quatre to get me out of here...
"Shirt," he said and I pulled it off.
He blinked at me and swore softly. I looked down at myself- I was used to the damage now, but to his eyes...
"It's not as bad as it looks." I said lamely.
"Sure." He undid the bloodstained bandage that covered my right side and frowned at the stitches. "I think you popped some of these."
"Needles in the case."
He nodded and pulled them out- along with my bottle of pain pills.
"I don't want those."
"I'm not going to try to do this to you without them."
"I can do it."
He sighed again and grabbed my wrist, lifting my hand up to eye level. "You're shaking. I don't think you can do this. You need to take them."
"One," I conceded.
"Two," he frowned. "Or I will call a doctor." Had he always been this bossy?
Was he like this with her?
I swallowed the pills and Heero set to work. The pills made it easy not to focus on what he was doing. Easy to drift and not think about the man beside me... better really. Drifting wasn't bad... it didn't hurt and I was getting really sleepy...
"Finished," he said and I glanced down. My side was neatly bandaged again.
"Good. Thanks. Go."
He shook his head at me. "Not a chance."
"She's waiting," I tried to snap, but I yawned instead. Damn pills. "Trust me- it sucks to wait. Go home."
Before he could answer, my cell rang. My jacket was on the floor and I glared at it. Too far away to reach- and I really didn't want to talk to anyone else. I closed my eyes instead.
I heard Heero get to his feet. Good. He was going.
Tomorrow it would hurt, I knew it. But right now- I was relieved. I just wanted to sleep...
"Quatre?" Heero's voice made me squint at him. Was Quatre here? No... but Heero had my phone to his ear. Oh- bet that surprised Quatre.
Heero's voice was too soft for me to catch all the words; just phrases- "...beat to hell... bleeding everywhere... freaked out when I mentioned the hospital..." And then loudly: "What the hell happened?"
"Shh!" I told him and closed my eyes again.
TBC...
Back to Merula's Fanfictions Page