Author: Gypsie1201
Pairings: 1x2
Warnings: Angst, POV, Sap
Rating: PG
Archive: Debs-Dragon - GW Diaries and Akira_1x2
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, any of its characters, or the song "Leave Out All the Rest", nor will I make any money from the creation of this story.
Feedback: All is welcome and much appreciated.
Summary: What we leave behind can mean more than we know.
Author's Note: Inspiration and title taken from "Leave Out All the Rest" from Linkin Park's new album "Minutes to Midnight". Also inspired by certain things going on in my life right now that I just needed to get out via this. This is NOT a deathfic, although it might seem like one.
Leave Out All the Rest
It's white. That's all I can see.
'Why am I here?' I ask, although there's no sound.
'Where am I?' I question, but still no answers.
Then, in an instant, the whiteness is replaced. Before me is a scene I know so well. I see you sleeping peacefully in our bed. Your beautiful, blue eyes closed and your breathing deep and peaceful. I smile at the sight and allow myself to admire the way the sheet drapes over your body, a body I know so well it might as well be my own.
I turn to my right and watch as you pull yourself from the bed and stumble through our apartment, no doubt in search of your first cup of coffee that I know you can't go without first thing in the morning. Only, when you reach the kitchen, I see you pause because for once, the coffee hasn't been brewed yet and I see your face scrunch up in confusion before you turn and call back through the apartment. I can't hear what you say, but if it's the only thing I know, it's the way my name looks on your lips.
Turning around, I'm greeted with yet another scene, this one of your frantic searching of the apartment. Ripping closets open and throwing clothing everywhere in your attempt to find what you're looking for and through it all I see you screaming my name.
Finally, I turn to the last vision, and this one more than anything has my heart crumbling in my chest. You're at one of Quatre's mansions, the one near the coast and while I can see you pleading with him to help you find me, I can see by his placating manner that he doesn't believe you. My own tears begin to fall as I watch you turn first to Trowa and finally to Wufei, only to have each one turn you down until you're left alone. Leaving you to deal with it by yourself and I can see your decision in your eyes. I remember what you've told me on so many occasions that you just couldn't bare life without me and I know then what you will do next.
I scream then, through the silence that still hold me tight and even though there's no sound, I see you jerk and look up. Rushing forward, I throw myself at the vision hanging hazily before me, my only thoughts of you.
'Duo?' I see your mouth say even as I grow closer and closer and I couldn't stop myself from answering that plea if I'd wanted to. I whisper your name in reverence and spur my feet to move faster. But even as I continue forward, your image retreats and I find myself moving slower, no matter how hard I try.
Then, in anguish, I feel my feet sinking and I claw for purchase as I fall forward, the vision speeding away and you along with it.
'No! God, please no!' I scream as I fall but just before I hit the ground, my vision once again whites out and I can't stop the devastation from crushing my heart.
"Duo?" you call and this time, I not only hear it but I can feel it singing along my skin and I find myself fighting the whiteness, anything to get closer to you.
"Duo." Your voice is my anchor, my world.
"Duo."
With a lunge, I pull myself out of the void that had engulfed me and lurch forward after the vision again. But before I can go far, your arms come around me and with a shuddering sob, I fall into you, clinging to your strength and warmth like it's the only thing keeping me sane. And in truth, at that moment, it probably is.
"Shh, love, it was only a dream." you breathe into the top of my head as you card your fingers through my loose hair. It must have come out of the braid some time in the night but I'm beyond caring at that point. All I want is to feel your strength, your love, your solid presence to prove that I'm really there.
After a while, my tears finally stop and I can pull back, but only far enough that I can look into your beautiful eyes. For a long moment, I just stare into their depths, drinking in the love and devotion I can see shining in them. Then leaning forward once again, I gently press a soft kiss to your lips.
"I love you." I breathe after I pull back, putting all the feeling and truth I can manage into those three words, words I know I don't say nearly enough.
"I love you, too." you answer and I have to close my eyes as the tears threaten once again. "Duo?" you question, and I can hear the concern in your voice and that more than anything brings a small smile to my lips.
"What do say about us going out to visit Quat and Tro for the weekend?" I ask and from the surprise that blooms on your face I know it's the right thing to say.
"I thought you wanted to go hiking this weekend."
"I did, but, it's been awhile since we were out to see them and Quat does ask every week."
"Yes, he does. He misses his best friend." you remind me softly as you lean forward until our foreheads are pressed together.
"Yeah." I breathe and give you a soft smile. "I think it's time I do something about that."
Closing the distance between us, you kiss me again and as it begins to build in intensity, I can't help but think of the dream. What if it had been true? I'd allowed myself to become so wrapped up in my life that I'd neglected my friends and, at time, you as well. You would never admit to it but I always knew in the back of my mind that you wanted to accept Quatre's offer each week, but I'd always throw in my reason why we couldn't and you'd deferred to me without an argument. And I also knew how much our declining his invitation had hurt the blonde. The five of us had survived a war that we never should've survived. That alone forged a bond between us that I thought could never be broken. But even strong bonds need to be tended if you expect them to stay that way and I hadn't, dragging you along as well.
If something happened to me tomorrow, would the other guys care? Would they look for me or would they accept it as me leaving them behind. Would they mourn and cry and curse me, or would they go on with their life as if a part of it hadn't been taken away. And would you, the person who means more to me than the air I breathe, be left to deal with it on your own until it became too much for you to bare and you finished the promise you made to me so long ago.
'I won't live without you, Duo.'
A full body shiver grips me just then and I know you feel it because you pulled back from where you were biting at my neck to look down at me with a worried look on your face. I give you a reassuring smile and pull you back down for another kiss, but I can see in your face that you don't believe it. But you don't argue when I roll us over and proceed to distract myself from my thoughts.
I can't change what's happened in the past, but I can make a difference with what the future has to hold. And with you by my side, I know I can change the dream. I can re-forge the bonds I allowed to wither and I can strengthen the love we have so that when the time comes, I'll have a reason to be missed.
OWARI
End Notes: For those who haven't heard this song, I highly recommend it. The lyrics are as follows:
Leave Out All the Rest
i dreamed i was missing
when my time comes
don't be afraid
when my time comes
forgetting / all the hurt inside you learned to hide so well
lyrics by Linkin Park
you were so scared
but no one would listen
cause no one else cared
after my dreaming
i woke with this fear
what am i leaving
when i'm done here
so if you're asking me i want you to know
forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
don't resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest
i've taken my beating
i've shared what i made
i'm strong on the surface
not all the way through
i've never been perfect
but neither have you
so if you're asking me i want you to know
forget the wrong that i've done
help me leave behind some
reasons to be missed
don't resent me
and when you're feeling empty
keep me in your memory
leave out all the rest
leave out all the rest
pretending / someone else can come and save me from myself
i can't be who you are
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