Author: Ashkara

Warnings: Wufei's a real butthole at the beginning, but he gets better, lots of angst, spoilers for... well, practically the whole series and the Episode Zero, fluff, sap

Rating: R

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4

Archives: At the Vault. Anywhere else, please ask first!

Disclaimer: I don't own the boys, much is a pity, but if I did, I'm sure I could find something better to do than writing about them! Likewise, the story is based on "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. I hope you'll like it!

Notes: Wufei's going to really be bad at first - my apologies! He gets better, I promise! Merry Christmas to everyone! Love, Ash

Wake Up, Wufei

He deleted the email without reading it. The title was enough to sicken him, alone: PREVENTERS HOLIDAY BALL TOMORROW: WEAR YOUR DANCING SHOES!

Wufei Chang snorted and clicked on his next message. He saw no reason to waste precious time by attending some mindless excuse for binge drinking and overeating. In fact, he couldn't see the purpose to the whole Christmas season. The Eve Wars had ended five years ago on Christmas, after all, and the whole world seemed to have forgotten about it, choosing instead to commemorate a fictional date for the birth of a so-called saviour whose true existence was completely un-verifiable by scientific means. Wufei strictly maintained this belief, despite-

"Hey, Chang! Did you see that message? Are you gonna buy your ticket?" a cheerful voice announced the presence of one Duo Maxwell, headed into Wufei's office without knocking.

He spared the long-haired young man a withering look. "Do you always have to do that? I already said no, and I haven't changed my mind."

Duo leaned against the doorway, his face expression much more sober than was his wont. "Even Quatre and Trowa are attending this year, and you know how busy they've been - they've been on Mars for a whole year! It would mean a lot to all of us if you were there with us."

Wufei rolled his eyes. "I don't have the time, and if you actually stopped to think about it, you'd realize you don't, either."

Duo's eyes glazed over unhappily. "I'm well aware of my limitations, Wufei, and I'm asking you. Please."

Wufei was surprised by Duo's tone. If he hadn't known the man better, he would have suspected he was serious and not just fishing for another chance to catch all his friends in a compromising situation and preserve it on film for all eternity. He knew through office gossip that Duo and Heero had split up a little over a month ago, though he didn't know why, and he'd heard the American had moved out of their townhouse to a small apartment, not far from work...

He turned away from Duo's pleading blue eyes. "Go away, Maxwell. I have no inclination to go to your party - you'll have to find someone else to hang on, since it won't be Heero, from what I've heard..."

Duo made a choking noise, his face going stark white as his posture snapped erect. "That was... low. Real low, even for you, Chang." He turned and left with a flip of his braid.

Wufei turned his attention back to his computer screen with a heavy frown. Maxwell was right - that was setting an all-time record for cruelty, especially since both former pilots had tried to talk to him since the break-up, tried to get him to speak to the other on their behalf. He'd flat-out refused to get involved.

It was better this way, though. The others had some mis-begotten notion that Gundam pilots should stick together, but he wanted none of it. His family was dead and gone, and he had no wish for a new one. None at all.

"Kisama."

If he'd been honest with himself, Wufei would have admitted he didn't know who the insult was directed at.

~*~

It had already been dark and cold for several hours by the time Wufei got home. He grumbled as he opened his door and turned on the light. "Damned holiday! Why on Earth should tomorrow be different from any other day..."

Quatre himself has stopped in this time, fresh off the plane, his face glowing with the perpetual grin of a happy man. "Come on, Wufei! We haven't been back in a year. Is dinner tonight really asking too much?"

"I'm tired, Winner. Maybe some other time." He'd momentarily felt bad when Quatre's smile fell -

As he closed and locked his door, the lights went out, and Wufei cursed vehemently. He smacked the light switch, "Watch it be broken, and no repair shops open..."

"So you still haven't learned to stop complaining."

He froze as the voice spoke, and slowly turned around.

There was a girl sitting on his small, but tasteful dining room table. A girl with the same dark hair and eyes and caramel skin as his own, but her hair pulled back into pigtails... Wufei reached out to steady himself on the wall. "Mei... Meiran?"

She smirked and stood. It was only then he realized he could see straight through her. A ghost? Impossible, he thought, his mood blackening. "Whatever kind of sick prank this is, Maxwell, I don't appreciate it. Leave me alone and get the hell out of my home."

Meiran stepped closer. "We are quite alone here, husband, just as it seems you want to be. Or do you?"

He glared at her. "Did you come back from the dead to taunt me? Leave. I don't want you here."

"I follow no man's orders, Wufei," she said, staring up into his eyes. "Sit down."

He clenched his fists. "I will not..." Screaming, she cut off his retort and placed ghostly hands on his shoulders - Wufei shuddered with cold as he was forced into a chair.

Meiran glared down at him, hands on her ghostly hips. "You weren't always this bitter and cold. You've really screwed up your life, Wufei, and you're the only one to blame."

He glared back. "I'm perfectly happy with my life, thank you very much."

"Oh, really?" The ghost looked sceptical. "Then why are you sitting here all alone on Christmas Eve, with all your friends so close by?"

"They aren't my friends, not anymore."

"Maybe you're delusional enough that you don't consider them friends, but they count you among theirs, Heaven knows why," the ghost retorted. "You've ignored and chased them away until you don't even know them anymore. You probably don't even care to know why your presence at the Holiday Ball is so important."

Wufei bristled. "I don't care, you're right."

Meiran's glare softened into a tiny smile. "Ah, but you do, and that's why I'm here. To help you." She drifted closer, until she was perched on his knees, cold spreading through his body at her touch. "You are miserably alone and, even if it is your fault, I'm not prepared to let you remain like this. You have a new family whether you like it or not, and they need you as much as you need them."

"I don't want your help. I don't need it."

"Yes, you do." She leaned forward and kissed him gently, chastely on the lips. He froze at the tough literally, his vision blacking out.

Meiran's voice rang in his mind. "You will have three visitors tonight, ghosts like myself, one each for your past, present and future. Heed their words, husband. There is hope for you yet."

She kissed him again, and he knew no more.

~*~

Somewhere, a clock was chiming ten. Wufei blinked groggily. That was odd - he didn't own any chiming clocks...

He opened his eyes - he was on his bed, still wearing his uniform, and he had no idea how he'd gotten there. Wufei rubbed a hand over his face. Those were some strange dreams he'd had...

"If it had been a dream, you'd be quite right. Fortunately for you, it wasn't."

Wufei sat bolt upright and stared at the figure, calmly sitting at the foot of his king-sized bed. The ghost wore an immaculate blue uniform frock coat over a white silk shirt and lacy cravat, ginger hair as immaculately-groomed as it ever was in life.

Wufei's eyes narrowed in confusion and indignation. What was Treize Kushrenada's ghost doing in his bedroom?

Treize gave him a charmingly suave smile. "Fitting that I should be a ghost of the past, isn't it? Your past, to be precise."

"I never agreed to some strange trip through my subconscious with you, of all people." Wufei glared and backed off the bed, his eyes shooting daggers at the ghost.

Treize's ghost laughed. "You've already killed me once, my dear Wufei. You cannot repeat it, and I promise you, your justice has been served upon me. If you could please join me now. We haven't got all night."

Wufei glared. "I want nothing to do with you, Kushrenada!"

Treize's smile changed ever so slightly as the aristocrat waved his hand dismissively - Wufei was propelled forward, as if by an invisible hand, until he stood at Treize's side. The ghost wore a look of satisfaction. "Much better."

Without giving Wufei the chance to react, Treize's cape whirled around them both, and the world changed around them.

~*~

Wufei stared wide-eyed at his surroundings. "I... I know this place! I went to school here."

Treize nodded. "One of the only Colony students to ever be accepted at this Institute. It was a great honour to you, was it not?"

Wufei glared at the ghost. "Stay out of my mind, Kushrenada."

Treize shook his head. "Too late for that, Mr. Chang. If it makes you feel better, this will be over faster if you cooperate with me." He gave Wufei a small bow and walked towards the school with a confident stride.

Wufei followed after a few moments' hesitation.

They stepped inside, students automatically moving around them, though it was clear that no one could see them at all. Wufei noted with some trepidation that he recognized these children. "What have you done, Kushrenada?"

Treize waved him forward through a familiar doorway. "This is your past, Wufei. You tell me."

Walking into the library, Wufei saw himself seated at a large table, his books and things spread about him, a square-rimmed set of glasses on his face. With a pang, he realized he remembered this day all too well.

The younger version of Wufei looked up from his reading with a silent, stony expression of resentment on his face. Older Wufei watched, feeling the same all these years later. While everyone else at the school packed and chattered, ready to go home for the holidays, he alone remained. He remembered it well. "I was twelve years old, and my clan saw no reason for me to make such an expensive trip home yet again, for a holiday we don't celebrate."

Treize leaned casually against a bookcase. "You resented that."

Wufei nodded, watching students moving around and sending looks of pity at his twelve-year-old self. "It didn't make sense to them, way out in space, but it made sense to me. I felt so..."

They both watched silently as Benjamin, one of Wufei's class mates, approached the young Chinese boy. "Chang! You still here?"

Young Wufei nodded. "I'll finally have time to catch up on my class work. Maybe not going home is a good thing."

Benjamin gave him a smile. "If you say so. But you'll be so lonely here! I'm sure Mother wouldn't mind if you came home with me..."

Young Wufei shook his head, removing his glasses and putting them down on his book. "Thanks, but no. I'm not sure my clan would approve, no offence meant. I'll be fine here."

"You sure?"

Young Wufei tried valiantly to look happy, but failed miserably. "I'm sure. Enjoy your holiday."

Treize looked sad. "You probably should have gone."

Older Wufei frowned. "I know. But I didn't. I didn't want to be pitied."

Treize lifted an elegant eyebrow, watching as Wufei stared at his younger self. "You'd really prefer to be miserable than to bend that proud, Chinese neck of yours? Pity. He wasn't trying to make fun of you - he just wanted to help."

Wufei turned to glare at the ghost. "You think I don't know that? I regretted it almost immediately, but I was too proud to run after him. The future head of the Dragon clan had to be more dignified than that."

Treize moved closer. "You know," he commented conversationally, "speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that I would give anything to go back and exchange some of my pride and dignity for a few more happy memories, accomplishments that I could be proud of. But I can't do that, not anymore."

Wufei turned away. "Please, can we go, now?"

Treize gave the young man a pitying look. "We have to - we have much more to see."

Wufei followed the ghost automatically. "I remember all these things quite well. I don't need you to remind me of them."

Treize stopped and turned, a strange little smile on his lips. "Who said you were going to see your own life?" He laughed, and the cape swirled once more.

~*~

Wherever they were, if was cold and dark. And dirty. Everywhere Wufei looked, it seemed dirt and soot had accumulated until it was impossible to imagine what the original colour or design might have been. Aghast, Wufei turned to Treize. "Where in all the five hells are we?!"

With sad eyes, the ghost merely pointed. Wufei turned.

The sight that greeted him drove a stake through his heart. Six children, curled up together to fend off the chill that bit through thin, shabby garments. And he recognized one of them all too well. "Don't do this, Treize."

"Watch and learn," the ghost commanded stonily.

Wufei turned back.

Ten years old or not, it was still Duo, the same long hair and bright face, though much thinner and paler. And shivering as he gathered smaller bodies close to his. "Why're we here, Duo?" a small girl asked, trying to climb under his shirt for warmth.

Duo smiled down at his charge. "Y'see that pile of bricks over there? I lived there, once. I wouldn't be anywhere else for Christmas."

"Tell us about it again!" one of the children urged, bouncing on the older boy's thin lap. "Tell us about Christmas!"

Duo tried not to shiver. "Well... it's very pretty. People get trees and decorate them with lights and ornaments, little toys... we couldn't afford much and we had to make all our ornaments, but it was the prettiest thing I'd ever seen. Sis-Sister Helen made us each something..." The boy's voice broke, and he turned his head away, not wanting to let the children see him cry.

When he spoke again, his voice was level and soothing, despite the tears that coursed down his face. "And there was food - a real feast. Father Maxwell said folks on earth made huge dinners, with these big birds called gooses - geese, or turkeys. We had chicken, I think." He reached behind him and pulled out a bag. "Which reminds me of something..."

Wufei watched as the children all sighed, their eyes gone wide as Duo opened his bag and pulled out some bread and apples. "Time for our little feast!" Duo said, his trademark smile back in place.

Wufei's eyes darted to Treize, who was watching everything with a look of shock and pain on his face. He turned back - each child had something to eat, though it seemed Duo took the smallest portion for himself. He said a small prayer over the food before everyone started to eat-

Or most everyone. A dog jumped out of the darkness and, before anyone could react, stole the bread out of one boy's hand. It growled and advanced on them-

Duo was up like a shot, shooing the beast away from his young charges, never turning back until he knew everyone would be safe. The children all stared up at him with white faces, and the one child whose food had been stolen sniffled a little before he began to cry.

Duo walked closer and knelt in front of the boy with a small smile. "Hey, don't cry, boys never cry. We gotta be the strong ones to look after everyone else. It'll be okay... here." He handed over his own small ration, and watched as the child's face lit up.

Wufei watched as the children all glued themselves to Duo again as they settled down to sleep, using each others' body heat to stay warm. As the last child fell asleep, though, he saw what hurt the most.

Duo's stomach rumbled loudly in the dark, and it looked for a moment as though the long-haired boy was retching, with nothing in his stomach to heave. As the fit ended, Duo rested his head back against a grimy wall, his face drawn, tears slipping from his eyes again. "Merry Christmas, Sister, Father. Wherever you are. I guess I'm in charge now... and I won't let you down. I promise."

His stomach contracted again, complaining against its emptiness, and his face twisted in pain for a short moment before he could control it.

"Duo?"

He immediately smiled again, shifting to look down into a small face. "Yes, pumpkin?"

"You okay?"

He gave her a smile that Wufei instinctively knew was quite similar to many looks he'd received in the past, himself. "I'm just fine, sweetheart. Just fine. Go to sleep."

"Oh, Duo!" Wufei leaned against the wall, himself, watching as the younger version of his friend finally dropped off to a fitful sleep.

Treize stepped closer to him. "Was he always like this?"

Wufei nodded. "He... takes care of those he cares about. And he never gives up... no matter what happens. He's a real fighter at heart."

He took a step closer. "I wish... If I could just do something..."

Treize shook his head. "Do what? This is all the past, Wufei. You can't change the past, no matter how much you want to." He put a hand on Wufei's shoulder. "Come - there is more." Wufei could not tear his eyes away, though, and he never saw it as the cape swirled once again.

~*~

He was now in a mobile suit hangar. He felt much more comfortable here - it was a situation he knew at least a little more about. He looked at the ghost. "Where are we, now?"

"Not where, Wufei, but when. Nine years ago, out on L-3, colony X-18999," Treize replied. "Look over there."

Wufei looked and saw a familiar figure, its face half-obscured by a fall of auburn hair, kneeling on the scaffolding next to a suit as he tinkered with some wiring. Trowa.

"Hey, No Name!" The boy looked up, surprised.

A tall, burly man approached and leaned a hand on the suit Trowa was fixing. "Don't you ever take a break? It's Christmas, you know."

Trowa frowned down at the wiring. "No can do, Captain. This thing is so screwed up, I'm surprised it hasn't blown up yet in the hangar."

The tall man smiled down at the boy. "Come here a second, at least, okay?"

Trowa stood, wiping his hands on a rag. "Sir?"

The man handed him a small package. "Merry Christmas."

Young Trowa looked down at the garishly-wrapped gift in his hands sceptically. "Sir? What's this for?"

The older man rolled his eyes, though his smile didn't falter. "It's a Christmas present, boy! You deserve it - go on! Open it!"

Trowa's frown deepened. "I can't accept this - I didn't get you anything. I didn't know..."

The Captain bet to look Trowa in the face. "You don't have to give me anything. Now open it, will you?"

"Sir..." Trowa carefully unwrapped the gift, trying hard not to damage the pretty paper it was wrapped in - he opened the small box to pull out a beautiful switchblade, its handle carved from solid ebony.

Trowa's eyes went wide. "Sir, this is... it's beautiful, but I can't..."

The Captain shook his head. "Look, No Name, I didn't get you a gift because I wanted something back. I got it for you because I wanted to make you happy. That's what friends do for each other, you see?"

Trowa looked up at his mentor with a small smile blooming over his face. "Thanks, sir. Thank you so much."

"Merry Christmas, kid." The Captain reached out and ruffled Trowa's hair fondly.

Treize stepped to Wufei's side. "That man died in battle only a few months later, protecting your friend's life with his own. Trowa still feels guilty for it."

"I know," Wufei replied, watching the smile growing over Trowa's face as he turned the knife over and over again in his hands. "He still has that thing."

Treize put a hand on Wufei's shoulder. "It is time to go."

Wufei looked up. "What's next? Quatre? Heero?"

Treize shook his head. "My time with you is almost over. It is time to return to the present."

Wufei looked back over his shoulder, but was dismayed to find he was already back in his own room, with nothing beyond him but his own bed. He turned back to the ghost. "What happens now?"

Treize smiled. "You have two more visits to go, Wufei, before the night is through. If I can offer a bit of advice, though..."

Wufei nodded, and the ghost continued, "Listen well to everything you hear. Whatever you choose to do personally, your friends and family need you for reasons beyond your own benefit. If you cannot save yourself, you just might be able to save someone else."

"What?!"

Treize smiled one last time before he seemed to dissipate on the air, leaving Wufei alone in his room.

The Chinese man stumbled to his bed, suddenly overtaken by fatigue, and fell onto it.

~*~

He awoke to hear a clock chiming again.

Wufei remained where he was, simply staring up at the ceiling. "Are you here yet, ghost? I do not own a chiming clock."

"Good guess, Wufei."

He sat up, staring with wide eyes. He'd only sent the man in pictures and vid reports, but he recognized him immediately. It was Quatre's father. "Mr. Winner!"

The man smiled at him. "Indeed! Given the chance to help someone my son loves as a brother... how could I pass it up?"

Wufei turned his face away. "I don't deserve his high regard or affection. He'd be better off bestowing it somewhere else."

The man stood and walked around the bed to look Wufei in the face. "That is his decision to make, Wufei, and my son has made very few wrong decisions in his life. He's quite remarkable young man that I wish I was there to truly get to know."

"He is." Wufei stood. "You are the ghost of the present, are you not?"

Mr. Winner nodded. "Yes, I am. Are you ready to see what I can show you?"

Wufei stood with a heavy heart. "If I weren't, would it stop you?"

Quatre's father smiled and shook his head. "No, it wouldn't. Now, now - don't wear such a dire face. This is for your own good and well-being. Let's go, shall we?" He snapped his fingers.

~*~

They were sitting in a bar.

Wufei's eyes darted around, confused at the sudden change of location. "Where is this?"

Mr. Winner shook his head. "It's your friend Duo's favourite haunt and only seven blocks from your home. You really don't recognize it?"

Wufei realized with a guilty jolt that Duo had invited him to this place several times over, and he'd refused each and every invitation. "I should recognize it, but I don't."

Mr. Winner pointed towards a back table. "Do you recognize them, at least?"

There were five people seated around a table in the back, one empty chair at the table. Wufei was surprised to see that Relena had been included in the party. Then again, he realized, he was in a bad place to know how anything had changed in his friends' lives.

Heero and Duo sat with as many people between them as was physically possible, and Wufei could tell even from this distance that they were being very careful not to let the other one see when they stole glances at each other. He pushed his way through the crowds to get closer.

Quatre was laughing about something, tucked under Trowa's arm with a contented look on his face. Surprisingly, though, Duo's smile was only partial, his eyes dark and troubled as they strayed to the empty seat.

Heero caught the look and couldn't help a caustic comment. "I'm not surprised Chang didn't dare show his face."

Duo hung his head, a shudder running through him. With a start, Wufei realized the American had lost weight, and a lot of it.

Ever the peacemaker, Quatre said, "Heero, let's not go there, okay? It's Christmas, and we haven't all seen each other in so long..."

Relena smiled. "I've felt guilty for not getting back in so long. I missed this!"

Duo gave the young woman a smile, squeezing her shoulder gently. "We missed you, too, babe. But even politicians need to do honest work, sometimes."

She gave him a playful swat with her napkin.

With a clang, Heero stood, tossing his napkin onto the table. "Enough. I can't take any more of this." He turned and stormed out.

Duo's face went stark white as he watched the other man leave with huge, sad eyes.

Quatre looked up at Trowa, his own eyes glinting seriously. "Follow him? Please? We'll meet up later."

Trowa gave his lover a smile and a gentle caress to his cheek. "Of course. See you later." He paused only long enough to drop a quick kiss on Relena's cheek and a hug for Duo before he grabbed his own coat and headed out after the missing man.

As the door closed, Duo lost his composure completely, burying his face in his hands as his shoulders shook with sobs.

Relena and Quatre immediately scooted closer to their friend. The girl put a hand on his leg, shocked to feel how emaciated he'd become. "Duo! Duo, please talk to us... please?"

Duo looked up into two concerned faces. "I've really missed you guys, you know. And I needed to talk to someone..."

Quatre wiped Duo's bangs back from his eyes. "What happened, Duo? What on Earth went on between you and Heero, and why didn't you call us?!"

Duo bowed his head. "I need you both to promise me something. You don't say a word about what I tell you to Heero, okay?"

Both Quatre and Relena nodded, and Wufei stepped closer to listen as Duo spoke again. "Heero and I... fought... because of Wufei."

The Chinese man started, a look of horror on his face.

"Wufei?! The same guy who refused to see any of us?" Quatre asked.

Duo nodded. "Heero... he managed to convince himself that I was hiding something and... When I started really trying to get Wufei to talk to me, he decided it was that I was sleeping with Chang. He was so upset... tonight was the first time the two of us have seen each other outside of work since... since I left."

Relena squeezed Duo's hand. "Didn't you try to talk to him? Tell him he was wrong?"

Duo nodded, his face a study in misery. "Of course I did! I tried so hard! But he wouldn't listen! He said I was still hiding..."

"What were you hiding, Duo?" Quatre asked. "Please tell us."

The long-haired young man looked up into his friends' faces. "I was hiding something, because I was so scared. Ever since I talked to Sally and she broke the news..."

Relena flinched. "Tell us, Duo. We're your family and we're here for you, I swear."

The young man looked up into her face, his eyes wide with trepidation. "I've got... it's not a cancer, but it's almost as bad. A tumour. In my head. And in about three weeks, they're going to have to operate on it and remove it."

Duo's words fell heavy on Wufei's soul. Was this was the other pilot had wanted to talk to him about so badly?

Quatre and Relena were both white-faced at the declaration. The girl took Duo's hand in both of hers. "Why didn't you just tell him?"

"I... couldn't, I was scared and upset," came Duo's response. "I just wanted... I needed to talk to someone, and I knew how you three would worry if I told you, so I tried to talk to Wufei... he kept brushing me off, and that's when Heero got angry with me. When he got so angry... I couldn't say a word about it. I just froze."

Quatre's eyes turned to fire. "When I see Chang again I'm going to gut him."

Duo looked up with wild eyes. "No! He's... Wufei has his own problems, Quatre. He didn't need mine on top of them. He's hurting, too. I can see it in his eyes."

Wufei turned away, unable to watch anymore. Was it really possible that Heero and Duo had split up... because of him? Because of his insensitivity?

Quatre's face darkened further. "I don't care about his problems! That bastard..."

"Quatre, please don't," Duo insisted softly. "Please."

As Quatre fell silent, Relena asked, "What does the surgery entail?"

Duo shivered a little. "It's a fairly normal procedure by now, or so Sally said. They can do it all by laser work, but they will have to be standing by ready to do old-fashioned surgery, in case there are complications. And... and they're going to cut my hair off."

The other two gasped. "Duo! They wouldn't! Do they have to?" Relena asked, aghast.

Duo nodded sadly. "It will get in the way, otherwise. That was probably the worst - I couldn't tell Heero I was going to lose my braid..." He buried his face in his arms.

Relena and Quatre shared concerned looks over his bent back as they both rubbed his shoulders in gentle, soothing circles.

Wufei surged forward, vainly trying to grab hold of Duo's shoulders and get the young man to look up at him. "Duo, I'm sorry! Can you hear me? God, I'm so so sorry..."

Mr. Winner, watching with sad eyes, reached out and restrained the Chinese man. "You know the rules, Wufei. He cannot see or hear you."

Wufei looked up, tears in his eyes. "Take me back! I need to get there, I need to talk to them all..."

Winner shook his head. "You are not done yet, Wufei. Follow me." Maintaining his hold on Wufei's shoulder, Winner snapped his fingers again.

~*~

He recognized this place - Heero and Duo invited everyone over when they moved into the townhouse, so happy to be in their new home...

He needed no prompting from the ghost - he followed the sounds of voices.

Trowa and Heero were sitting at the kitchen table - Wufei's eyes widened as he took in the rest of the room. There were pictures of Duo almost everywhere he looked, as though Heero had tried to surround himself with his missing lover. It was among the saddest sights he'd ever witnessed.

The two had been drinking pretty heavily. Or at least Heero had - Trowa appeared to be watching his own drinks very carefully. Heero stared morosely into his beer bottle. "I just don't get it, Trowa. Why Wufei? What the hell did he see in Wufei to make him leave?"

Trowa shook his head. "I don't know what happened here, but I know what I saw tonight. Heero, I think you're making a mistake."

The Japanese man shot his friend a glare. "I know what I saw."

Trowa shook his head. "Heero, just stop and listen for a minute. You're both miserable, and in case you didn't notice it, Duo looks like shit. He needs you."

"How could I not notice?" Heero asked. He slammed the bottle down onto the table. "Of course I did! But if something's wrong, why couldn't he tell me?! And why'd he go running to that asshole Chang for help?!"

Trowa shook his head. "I don't know. He didn't call us, either - we had no idea. Maybe he'll talk to Quatre. Or Relena."

Heero cradled his head in his hands. "I just want to know what I did that he doesn't love me enough to trust me."

Trowa shook his head. "Talk to him."

Heero looked up, his eyes wide. "Are you kidding?! No - he needs to talk to me, first. He needs to do it."

Trowa took the beer bottles out of Heero's reach. "Heero, it's Christmas. You know how upset he gets this time of year. For him, for all of us, please."

Heero looked up, a small tear falling form his eyes. "I can't, Trowa. I just can't. I couldn't take it if he turned away again."

~*~

With a snap of the fingers, Mr. Winner had Wufei back in his own room. He steered the shell-shocked young man towards the bed and sat him down gently. He sat at Wufei's side. "I'm sorry, Wufei."

The Chinese man stared down at his hands. "I always brushed them off, Duo especially. He needed me, and I turned him away. I failed all of them. And Heero hates me, now."

Winner nodded. "You let yourself be blinded, boy. You can't just turn your back on a family - it always catches up with you."

Wufei turned, hearing the sadness in the ghost's tone. "Sir?"

Winner stared down into his face. "The last words I ever spoke to my son were spoken in anger. I never told him how proud I was of him, of the strength of character he showed in doing what he felt was right. Now he'll never know, and it's because I could not swallow my pride and be the father I was supposed to be."

Winner gently pressed Wufei back into his pillows, and gave the young man a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Pass that on for me. And sleep now - your final visitor will be here shortly."

~*~

Wufei woke before the clock chimes sounded again, and was standing, looking around expectantly. He finally saw a shadow forming near his window, and he turned towards it. "Yes? Are you the... last..."

There was another being in his room, one he recognized well, though they'd never met. The figure was tall, with a dark, hooded cloak that concealed him completely. In one shrunken, bony hand, the stranger bore a scythe.

Wufei backed away. "Why is Death the ghost of my future?"

The ghost did not reply. It merely beckoned to him, mutely.

Wufei followed in its wake, unable to disobey. Stepping through his doorway, he felt a dank, unpleasant mist surrounding him, and he felt cold fear-

He was in yet another place he was not familiar with, though it took little imagination to figure out where he was. The apartment was bare and unpleasant looking, clearly as sparsely-furnished as its inhabitant could stand it. Said inhabitant was standing at the window, looking down into the well-lit, merry streets below.

Wufei gasped as he recognized the figure - Duo looked so different with his hair short. He looked almost ten years younger - or he would have, but for the premature lines on his face. His eyes were dead as he stared out the window.

Sitting on an uncomfortable-looking sofa, Relena Peacecraft watched the young man with sad eyes. "Duo, please. It's Christmas, you have to join us."

Duo's back was stiff and straight. "I... Relena, I can't celebrate. I just... I don't know what to do, I can't..."

Relena stood and wrapped her arms around the emaciated man, cradling him gently to her shoulder. "Duo, the last thing Heero would ever wish for would be this. He wouldn't want to see you miserable; he'd want to see you alive and happy, even without him."

Duo sobbed into her hair. "Why?! Why the hell did he go in without backup?! Why couldn't he just accept Wufei as a partner?! Why did he have to leave me here?!"

"Duo..."

"I'm scared, Relena." He wrapped both arms around her and held her tightly. "I'm so, so scared..."

Wufei turned to the ghost. "Where was I? Why wasn't I there?"

The ghost merely pointed out the door, and Wufei headed through at a run, his hair having fallen loose from his ponytail flying around his face wildly.

He skidded to a halt, though, as he went back through the mists. He was in the Preventers Memorial building, where each Preventer killed on active duty had his or her name inscribed in gold. He stared at the wall incredulously. "What am I looking for?! Speak to me, dammit!"

Death glided to the wall and pointed again-

Wufei's eyes blurred as he stared at the wall. His own name, neatly engraved with Heero's. Dead on the same mission. He could only imagine...

Quatre and Lady Une walked in and headed directly to the spot, both staring at it with sad eyes. Une shook her head. "It should have been easy, Quatre," she said, her voice broken. "But Heero... he went berserk at the idea of working with Chang... and got them both shot."

Wufei stared. It wasn't possible...

Quatre's voice echoed the thoughts in Wufei's head. "We never let a man stay down... Allah, poor Duo!"

Une nodded. "You must do something, Quatre. He's killing himself by neglect, and I don't want to see another one of you die. You can't let it happen."

Quatre shook his head ruefully. "I will try, you know that, but I don't know what I can do. They never stopped loving one another."

Wufei turned to question Death again - he froze in shock, though. The hood was thrown back from Death's face and, Wufei shuddered, his skeletal face stared back at the Chinese man from empty sockets. One bony hand reached out for Wufei-

~*~

"Wake up!"

Wufei stirred uneasily. Where was that damned chiming clock?

"Wake up, Wufei!"

He opened his eyes - what was Quatre doing in his house?

The blond was standing over him, glaring for all he was worth. Just beyond his shoulder stood Trowa, his green eyes dark with anger. The Chinese man gulped. "How did you get in here?"

Quatre rolled his eyes. "How do you think? Now listen here, you..."

Wufei sprang from his bed, though, as his memory kicked in double-time. "Duo! We need to get to his apartment - we need to fetch Heero here..."

Trowa caught hold of Wufei as he moved, and the Chinese man froze in his friend's tight, uncomfortable grip. The taller man frowned down at him. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, Chang, but..."

"Damn it, Barton, there's still time!" Wufei almost yelled. "Don't you get it? We need to get them back together again, before Duo's surgery. He'll need Heero at his side..."

Quatre blinked hard. "How did you know about that?!"

Wufei grabbed his brush and quickly set his hair in order, grabbing a hair tie and finishing quickly. "What does it matter? I failed them - I failed all of you - once. I won't let it happen again!"

The two lovers could only stare at each other in shock as Wufei grabbed his car keys and sprinted out the door.

~*~

Heero's head hurt. He groaned as the incessant ringing of his doorbell gave way to a heavy pounding on the door. "Trowa?"

There was no sign of his friend, and he rubbed sleep from his eyes and walked out and through his cold, empty house. He looked at the security camera-

His head cleared almost immediately as he saw red. He charged to the door and practically ripped it open, grabbing his visitor by the coat collar and dragging him through the door. "You stinking son of a bitch..."

Wufei allowed Heero to vent at him, frankly surprised the Japanese man hadn't hit him yet. He hung his head and, as Heero paused to breathe, he said quietly, "Yuy, I'm sorry. I should have talked to both of you earlier. Please listen to me?"

Heero growled. "Why should I?!"

Wufei looked up, the memory of what he'd seen the night before fresh in his mind. "Because you're mistaken, Heero. Duo was trying to get in touch with me, but I swear to you that neither he nor I have ever thought of each other as more than friends. I'm straight, for goodness' sake!"

Heero was in his former friend's face. "I don't believe you..."

"Well you should!" Wufei growled back. "You should get your head out of your ass and be rational for a moment! Just because I fucked up doesn't give you an excuse, and Duo needs you right now more than he's ever needed anything in his life!"

Heero's eyes went wide. "If he needs me, then why did he leave?"

"He does need you, Heero," Trowa's voice replied as he ran up the front staircase. "This has been one, big misunderstanding, but it's Christmas. Please hear us out."

Quatre puffed up the stairs behind his taller lover, breathing heavily.

Heero stared at them all for a moment before he stepped back and let them in.

~*~

It was far too early for anyone to be knocking on her door.

Relena groaned and rolled over - It was Christmas morning. Couldn't she ever get a break? She sat up, though, and patted down her clothing to be sure she was decent. "Come in!"

Pargan opened her door and gave her a gentle, grandfatherly smile. "Good morning, Miss Relena. Merry Christmas to you."

She smiled back. "Good morning, Pargan, and Merry Christmas to you, too! How is our guest?"

Pargan sighed - Relena had brought Duo back to her palace the night before, not wanting him to be alone on Christmas morning. "The light is on in his room, but he hasn't stirred yet."

Relena hung her head.

"But you have other visitors, Miss," Pargan said, a glint in his eye.

Relena looked up. "Who?"

The old man broke into a full smile. "Four impatient Gundam pilots. I've shown them to the breakfast room for now, but Mr. Yuy was clearly ready to search the whole palace to find Mr. Maxwell."

Relena punched the air as she bounced out of bed and danced across the room to give Pargan a hug. "Merry Christmas was right! Quick - get Duo up, but don't tell him yet who's here. Make sure he's presentable, though... Oh, and steer everyone to the Main Ballroom."

The old man smiled as he left his employer on a rampage into her closet. He took off down the hallway with a spring in his step.

~*~

Duo tugged at the neck of his sweater as he followed Pargan down the hallway, yawning. It didn't feel like Christmas, not in the slightest. Not without...

"Good morning, Duo! Merry Christmas!" Relena's decidedly chipper greeting brightened his spirits slightly.

He smiled back. "Merry Christmas, babe," he replied, giving her a small hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I didn't bring your present with me yesterday..."

She snorted. "Oh, don't worry about that! We have plenty of time to get it later! Now come on..." She latched onto his arm and dragged him into the ballroom.

"Duo!" The long-haired man barely had the time for shock to register before something warm and strong collided with him, nearly knocking him off his feet. His mind was overloaded as kisses rained down on his face and strong, beloved hands roamed over him possessively. Their lips met, and for the first time in over a month, Duo tasted Heero.

Heero's joy at seeing Duo again was tempered by the feel of the body in his arms - Duo had never had any excess fat to speak of - he was dreadfully thin now, and the Japanese man felt a pang of guilt that it was his fault... He sighed in pleasure, though, as Duo began to kiss him back, thin arms still strong as they wound around his neck and held on for dear life.

Duo's face was flushed with emotion as they separated. Heero cupped his lover's cheeks in his hands. "Duo, why didn't you tell me?!"

The braided man shot looks of shock at Relena, Quatre and Trowa...

"They didn't tell him, Maxwell. I did," Wufei said, from his position leaning against the wall.

Duo's eyes went wide as he took in Wufei's black eye. He frowned, stepping away from Heero to face the Chinese man. "Chang? What are you doing here?"

Wufei pushed off the wall and walked over to give his friend a respectful bow. "I let you down - I let the whole family down - when I turned you away, and I can't tell you how sorry I am for it. I'll understand if you want me to leave, but I had to apologise, face-to-face."

Duo began to tremble, and Heero stepped close again, wrapping his arm around his delicate lover's waist.

Wufei bowed again, clearly waiting for the American to pass his judgment.

Duo felt tears blossoming in his eyes and did nothing to hide them. "Aw, hell, Wufei, it's Christmas. Stand up straight and don't be an idiot!" He pulled Wufei up and wrapped an arm around his neck, hugging him tightly.

Duo pulled back and toughed the shiner delicately. "That looks fresh..."

Heero chuckled. "Yeah, you could say I was... well, I wasn't happy to see him..." Quatre and Trowa both snickered.

Duo turned back to the man he loved. "Heero, I'm so sorry! I was just so scared, and I couldn't tell you, after everything you've been through already..."

Heero placed a finger over Duo's lips. "Don't apologize. I think we've both suffered enough - let's just put it behind us, okay? And promise me - you'll never hide from me again. I love you and nothing will ever change that." He engulfed Duo in another hug. The two felt thumps as the rest of the group closed in around them.

Behind the group of hugging people, something went click, and five ex-pilots all looked up-

Duo gasped. He'd never seen anything quite so lovely as the tree he hadn't noticed as he walked in. It was fully lit now, sparkling with white lights and glittering as the light broke over thousands of multi-coloured decorations.

Relena clapped her hands, watching with undisguised joy as the five hugged, smiles on each face. She clasped her hands together. "Breakfast, anyone?"

As if on cue, Duo's stomach rumbled, and he laughed.

Wufei turned white, though, and took hold of one of Duo's hands, dragging him forward into the hallway. "Let's take care of that, shall we?"

~*~

Wufei sat back, cradling his coffee cup as he watched Duo and Heero, barely able to stop looking at and touching each other, as if to reassure themselves that this was real. He smirked - he knew how that felt. But he had a couple questions, now, that he needed answers to. "Duo, when will the surgery happen?"

The braided man paled slightly, but looked his friend in the eyes. "Sally's set the appointment for about three weeks from now, and she's set me up with the best specialist money can buy."

Heero stroked Duo's braid gently. "I wish you would have told me."

Duo sighed. "I know - it was stupid, so, so stupid..."

"Hey, it's in the past, now," Trowa said, unconsciously echoing Treize Kushrenada's words from the previous night. "You can't change it, but you can make things better now."

Duo gave the taller man a bright-eyed smile. "Thanks to you guys, I can." At his far side from Heero, Quatre smiled, and Duo wrapped an arm around the blond for a quick hug.

His smile fell, though, as he considered what was coming. "There is a certain amount of risk, of course, but Sally thinks it's the best option, and I've trusted her judgment before. I've already been reassigned to a desk job - the headaches have been getting worse..."

Heero frowned. "I thought your headaches were just a lame excuse to get away from me. I should have listened."

Duo put his hand on the Japanese man's forearm. "I should have been honest, too. It's not just you, Heero..."

Relena stood and put an arm around each man, her eyes glinting merrily. "Come on, guys! It's Christmas. There will be time to fix the mistakes we've made later, when we're done celebrating. Let it be for now, okay?" She dropped a kiss on Heero's cheek.

Duo reached up and pulled her down into his lap, arms coming around the girl. "Celebrating? Why does something tell me you've got plans you didn't tell us about?"

Wufei smirked. "Because you're smarter than you look."

Duo shot his friend a withering look.

Quatre stood, though, and helped Relena back to her feet. "She's right - we've got a lot to do today. Are you done with breakfast?"

The blond man smiled as Duo gave him a confused look. "Christmas hasn't even begun to get merry, Duo. Grab your coat."

Quatre turned to leave but, before he could, Wufei grabbed his arm and turned him gently. "Before I forget..." He gave Quatre a gentle kiss on the forehead. "From someone who is very proud of you."

Wufei gave him a smile, and turned to the door.

Quatre stared after the Chinese man, not understanding, but feeling quite touched, nonetheless.

~*~

Wufei wore a smug smile as he watched Duo attempting to protest the trip to his apartment. But Quatre was adamant - the long-haired man was not spending another moment in that place, not if Quatre Winner had anything to say about it. It was an easy battle to win - Trowa nudged Heero, who gave Duo a pleading look and asked, "Duo, will you please consent to move back in with me? The place isn't the same without you, and I don't think it ever could be."

There was little more to it than that.

Not that it would have mattered - they pulled up in Relena's limousine to find the Manguanacs already at work emptying the small apartment of all its contents. Duo stepped out of the monstrous car and simply stared. "Um... Quatre? What exactly is going on?"

Trowa answered for him, "We're relocating you back where you belong."

Duo looked up at the tall man. "You didn't even give me a chance to pick up my dirty laundry, man..."

Trowa laughed and ruffled Duo's bangs. "That's why we call it 'hazard pay,' Duo. I hope you don't mind."

Duo looked out of his element and overwhelmed, a crease between his brows. "This is just so fast..."

Heero looked crestfallen, but he stepped up and took hold of Duo's hand. "It's fast for me, too, Duo. But I like it. It's what I've wished for. Still, I'll understand if you want to take it slow..."

"No!" Duo put his hand over Heero's mouth. "I'm not unhappy, I'm just... God, my head hurts..."

Wufei flinched - none of them had thought about that. "Do you have your medicine on you?"

Duo shook his head. "Sally said I could still use normal aspirin for a while longer..."

Heero wrapped a protective arm around Duo's shoulders. "Let's go home, then, okay? We'll get you comfortable..."

Duo turned to hold onto Heero tightly. "I still can't believe you're here, and I'm here..."

"Believe it, Duo," Heero replied, kissing his lover's forehead carefully. "Let's go home, okay?"

Duo looked up and gave him a smile. "Okay."

~*~

Relena shot Wufei a look and a nod before she opened the door and stepped out of the limousine. She ushered Heero and Duo out and up the stairs. "Let's get inside, okay? You should have warned us it was so cold, Heero..."

"I wasn't exactly paying attention to that when I left home this morning, Relena," he grumbled back, his eyes on Duo's swaying braid. It was going to be so odd, seeing the American without his beloved hair...

He steeled himself as he unlocked the door and let the others in. It wouldn't change a thing. It was Duo he was in love with, not the stupid braid. And Duo would be just as desirable and beautiful without the hair as with it, because he just was.

They two allowed Relena to steer them directly upstairs and towards the bedroom. She closed the door as they vanished inside. "We'll just give you two a few moments, okay? We'll be downstairs when you're ready." That being said, she ran back down the stairs to re-join the others.

~*~

Inside the room, Duo automatically moved to sit on his side of the bed, and Heero smiled seeing it. "Aspirin, love?"

Duo looked up, absently caressing the bedspread with cold fingers. "Two?"

Heero nodded and vanished into the bathroom.

As soon as he disappeared, Duo collapsed back into the pillows, pulling Heero's to his face and inhaling deeply. He felt like crying again, but this time in joy - he'd wanted this with all his heart for so long. He was home again - the bed felt just right beneath him, and the scent of Heero was everywhere around him - in the pillow, on the sheets and the blanket, on the very air, the smell of his cologne and his shampoo.

"I slept with my face buried in your pillow for so long," a quiet voice remarked. Duo pulled the pillow from his face - Heero was standing over him with a soft light in his eyes. The Japanese man sat at his side, absently caressing his right thigh with the hand that held the aspirin, cradling a glass of water in the other. "I couldn't sleep properly, and it only got worse when your smell wore off. I bought your cologne and tried leaving the bottle open - it didn't work. I love this house, but not without you in it with me."

Duo reached down and clasped Heero's hand in his own, the medication falling to the bedspread. "I... it hurt to leave, Heero. And I couldn't sleep, either. I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything, and the headaches just got worse. God, I missed you!" He pulled Heero's hand to his lips and kissed it.

Heero's mouth went dry, and he set the glass of water down carefully before he sat and slowly lowered himself to curl up against Duo's side, holding the American tightly to his chest.

Both men smiled, and Duo nuzzled against his lover's shoulder. "I love you, Heero."

Heero tilted Duo's chin up and kissed his lips gently, lovingly. "I love you, too. Merry Christmas."

~*~

One story below, four young men and one woman argued in low voices. "How should I know where we should put the damned thing?!" Quatre asked exasperatedly.

Back near the doorway, Trowa and Wufei sagged under the weight of a Christmas tree. "Quatre, for heaven's sake..."

Reappearing from the stairway, Relena rubbed her hands together. "It's already here? Good. I don't think we'll see them for at least a half hour or so."

Trowa braced his shoulder against the doorway, hefting the tree. "Wonderful. Now where do we put it?!"

Relena looked around the room critically until her eyes settled on a spot in front of the French doors to the patio. "There," she said, pointing. "They won't be going outside anytime near soon, and it'll be framed by the doorway." She walked ahead of the boys and moved chairs out of the way.

As quietly as possible, they began to decorate.

~*~

Heero smiled as he helped Duo into one of his sweaters. "Rashid and the others will have your stuff here soon. Until then... you look cute in my clothes."

"You look cuter," Duo replied with an impish look.

Heero laughed and leaned closer, capturing Duo's lips in a hungry kiss.

Duo allowed himself to be pulled towards the door, leaning into Heero's arm as they began down the stairs. "Hey, Heero?"

"Yeah?"

Duo squeezed Heero's hand. "What d'you think I'll look like with short hair?"

Heero smiled. "Beautiful, as always. It'll be different, but I can't imagine you not looking as gorgeous as you are."

Duo blushed.

Heero smiled, himself. "If you want, though... I'm sure we could choose a hairstyle for you. Get it professionally done. And the best part is if you don't like it, it will grow back."

Duo laughed as they turned the corner, feeling more comfortable about his surgery than ever-

He stopped short, his eyes wide. "What... is that?!"

Wufei looked up from the lights he was putting up that were currently more tangled around him than the tree. "A Christmas tree? We talked about it, and we thought it might be... nicer... to have our own party here, since you seemed a bit tired and stressed, earlier..."

Duo's smile was almost as bright as the lights on the tree. "Do my ears deceive me, or did Chang Wufei just suggest that we have a Christmas party?"

Wufei smiled back. "Not only that, we're going to decorate this tree. I didn't have time to round up any ornaments, but I thought we could make some - that's the best way, isn't it?"

Duo felt a jolt of warmth - how was it that Wufei seemed to just know? "It sure is."

Duo squeezed Heero's hand and released it, walking over to the tree and touching its branches reverently. "You know, I never thought... I always wanted to have a family of my own. With everything that happened this fall, I felt so alone, and afraid... I had such an ugly secret, and no one to talk to... but we're all here, now, and that's all that matters.

"I won't say I'm not scared of the surgery - I'm real scared, but I can't tell you how much better I feel, having you with me... as my family." Duo sniffled a little and wiped at his nose.

Heero wrapped his arms around Duo from behind and kissed the man's arched neck. "Our family."

~*~

Wufei watched the small group with a gentle smile on his lips. Duo's burnished head and Heero's dark one were close together as they worked together to make an ornament out of a piece of string, construction paper and a goofy picture of Trowa taken two years previously at Quatre's birthday party.

Across from them, Relena was gluing together a Santa ornament, looking up and smiling as Heero and Duo discussed hairstyles. Next to them, Quatre was cutting out a snowflake, and Trowa was adding a ribbon to his finished ornament, a paper doll.

The Chinese man realized with a start that he felt contented - happy, as he hadn't been in so long. Having these people around him apparently did make all the difference. Even if they drove him crazy, sometimes, or if it meant losing some of his hard-won privacy.

It was definitely worth it.

OWARI

Author's Note: Happy Holidays to everyone! I realize this story leaves some loose ends - I'll have to catch you up on those, so be expecting more. Duo's condition is actually based on that of a good friend of mine - please remember to think a happy thought for her, if you get a moment. Her surgery is in a month, and we're all very worried for her!

Thanks for another great year of fics, reviews, laughs, tears... we've got some wonderful people in this fandom, and it's an honour to be part of it.

Hugs and kisses,

Ash :)

 

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