*...* denotes thought
******* denotes changes in scene
------ denotes flashbacks
~~o0o~~ denotes changes in POV

Notes: this part is going to focus in on Duo and Heero only, I think. But don't worry. I'm gonna get to Quatre, Wufei, and Trowa. Probably in the next chapter. I apologize in advance for the way this chapter sounds... I'm fine at writing angst and stuff, but when it comes to resolutions... personally I think I'm pathetic at it. >.< I think I rewrote this chapter four or five times until I got something remotely resembling what I wanted. And if Heero seems terribly ooc, please remember that the past year has been horrendous to him and well... not even he can emerge unchanged, I guess.

Gundam Forest Book 1 Part 6

The sun peeked over the edge of the horizon, casting a warm, golden glow over the landscape of the Winner estate. As the morning beckoned for the return to consciousness, life began to stir on the compound. Rays of brightness began to gleam off of the buildings and other man made features of the estate, as the calls of the forest creatures began to rise in volume.

Few souls stirred on the Winner compound itself, those mostly belonging to members of the massive array of servants and helpers of the estate who were rousing for their daily duties. The sun illuminated the graceful figure of an Asian man walking to the gazebo, only to have him disappear under the yawning eaves.

A few hours later would find the rising sun radiating over the blond master of the estate, perhaps illuminating the path to the gazebo for the weary soul. However, that would be in the close future.

For now, the rays of the dawning sunlight pierced through the eastern windows of the mansion, filtering dimly through the semi heavy brocade that covered many of the windows. The lavishness of the material only served to reflect the rest of the extravagant furnishings of the residence.

It was in such a room that Heero Yuy woke up, slowly regaining his consciousness through the hazy fog of sleep that had claimed his mind. Awareness returned to the ex pilot in several stages, his mind becoming cognizant of several factors, one at a time.

He became aware first of the softness of the bed upon which he lay. That in itself began to alarm him, his basis for comparison having been the hard mattress and coarse bed clothes that had been his world for the past year. Such luxuries as silken sheets and plush mattresses had not been allotted to the occupants of the Girou, especially since such things would become ruined with blood and other bodily fluids.

The absence of the smell of dried blood and semen was another factor that awakened his inner mind. The aforementioned substances had been such firmly planted factors of his world for so long that the lack of such things was something new and foreboding. The overwhelming sense of human lust was absent, the scent of his present accommodations being pleasant, light and full of sunshine.

As his mind fought through the lingering haze from whatever he had been drugged with last night, certain fleeting images started to pierce his sluggish memory:

Long, chestnut colored hair, tightly wrapped into a trademark braid.

Violet depths filled with sorrow, grief, and anger.

Twin rings bound together upon one silver chain, twinkling against the broad chest of the man holding him in his embrace.

Heero struggled to return to the world of the living, randomly moving his limbs to ascertain their freedom.

The lack of the ever present weights on his wrists and ankles was dimly noted; his mind absentmindedly noting that for the first time in a year he was not waking up tied to the bed.

Heero slowly slid his eyes open, blinking to adjust his pupils to the light. The first thought out of his mind was, *Where am I?*

As the room began to focus, he began to recognize his accommodations. Without turning his head, he allowed his eyes to lazily dance across the ceiling of the room, relishing the quiet peacefulness of his surroundings. For the first time in a year, he was not awakening to the sounds of cries and whimpers, or the harsh snaps of whips and the rattle of chains.

*I'm back at Quatre's family estate. But how did I get here?* he asked of himself, attempting to seek the answer from his hazy memory banks.

As he turned his head to the side, his eyes fell upon the sleeping answer to his question. He took in a quick rush of air as his eyes once again fell upon the features of his lover.

*It wasn't a dream.*

The morning sunlight played over Duo's features, lovingly caressing the soft, chestnut strands of his hair; accentuating the golden highlights and creating a natural halo of light around the sleeping man's head. Duo's eyes were closed in his repose, the feathery lashes lying against his pale skin in dark crescents. His firm lips were slightly parted with his breaths, his upper torso moving slightly with each intake of air.

Duo was asleep in a large armchair that had been pulled up to Heero's bedside, opting to sleep in an uncomfortable upright position rather than leave Heero's side and take his rest on the other bed in the room. That fact was slightly comforting to the Japanese boy, his mind silently filing away the small fact as his eyes continued their assessment of the American.

Duo's frame had filled out more in the passing year, the shoulders a bit more broad, the hands larger than before. The other details of his frame were hidden underneath the concealing shirt the American ex pilot was wearing, other physical maturations unseen for now. Judging from the way his body was angled on the seat, Heero bet in his mind that Duo had grown at least a couple of inches in the past year.

Heero took a sharp breath as his gaze fell upon the necklace that lay haphazardly around Duo's neck and on his chest. His eyes widened as he recognized the rings, both from past association with them and from the hazy memories of the previous night.

Hope began to soar in his chest before he abruptly slammed it down. He had no room left in his heart for hope, he had no room left for any emotion. He couldn't waste his time on trivial matters such as feeling.

Emotions shouldn't be wasted on worthless beings such as himself.

A tiny, slightly irritating voice suddenly welled up from the darkness of his mind, a voice that had been absent during the passing year. The voice belonged to a part of Heero's mind, heart, and soul that he had closed off a year ago.

*No emotions, eh Mr. 'Perfect Soldier'? Then tell me this: if you're so worthless, why did HE come to save you?"

Heero closed his eyes in torment as he clenched his teeth tightly, his mind torn between denying this part of himself and clinging to the safety of the numbness, the emptiness, or facing the emotional upheaval staring him in the face.

In a bitter tone of thought, Heero snidely told that inner voice, *He probably felt he had an obligation to fulfill.*

The persistent voice pursued its relentless train of thought, refusing to release its grip. The tone of the inner conversation was rising to a fever pitch, one that irrevocably captured Heero's stubborn attention.

*You can repeat that to yourself over and over again, Yuy, but no matter how many times you repeat it, it won't be true. Why don't you wake up and face the evidence staring you in the face?*

Heero snarled at his inner self, his lip unconsciously curling up into a familiar sneer of derision. *Shut up! Everything is different now!*

*Sure it is... ever heard of the river in Egypt on Earth? Denial??*

*K'so! Don't you remember why I left in the first place?? HE rejected ME! I left because he spurned my existence! He found me so repulsive that he couldn't even bear to talk to me... he found me so horrid... so repugnant that he... he...*

Heero's suppressed emotions were in such a state of turmoil that he couldn't even dredge up the courage to finish his thought, couldn't remind himself again of Duo's past rejection. He didn't even notice that his hands were clenched into tight fists until the pain of his fingernails digging into his palms registered in his mind.

He forced himself to calm down, to unclench his hands. After a lengthy pause, he finished lamely with, *Our love wasn't strong enough to keep us together.*

Heero's inner voice was temporarily stunned into silence, the emotions mollified. After a brief delay, the voice returned, albeit subdued and quiet. In a hesitant tone, the words coming forth in a small, child like query, it said, *Shouldn't you at least listen to what he has to say now? After all, he did go to the trouble of saving you. If anything, you can spare a few moments of your time for that.*

Heero remained silent, mulling over the question with deliberate consideration. Finally, he answered with, *Hai. And then I can move on.*

His inner voice was blessedly quiet, voicing neither an agreement nor an argument.

It was at this point that Heero's senses had alerted him to movements coming from the braided man sitting next to his bedside. He opened his eyes and turned his head to the side of the bed.

And weary, prussian blue eyes met vibrant, amethyst orbs as two lovers once more faced each other, unspoken questions and desires hanging between them.

~~o0o~~

Duo's mind slowly swam back up to the world of consciousness, his eagerness to once again lay his eyes upon his beloved propelling his soul back to reality from the dreamscape. Although a certain reluctantness lingered on his psyche, his dreams had been pleasant for the first time in countless nights. He was almost tempted to stay in the world of subconscious fantasies, preferring the fairy tale reunion his mind had dreamed up to the harsh reality that awaited him.

While, yes, he had retrieved his estranged koibito from the horrors of the Girou and brought him home again, keeping him there was going to be another matter all together. It wasn't going to be easy, he knew that. He even accepted it as his penance for past actions on his part. The upcoming struggle was nothing more than he deserved. He was not afraid to bare his soul for the other lying on the bed.

No, what scared him was that even after he bared his soul and heart again, was the possibility that Heero would do exactly what he, himself, had done a year ago and reject him. It might be too much optimism to expect Heero to forgive him for his lack of faith and belief. And yet, he couldn't afford to lose Heero a second time.

Iie, he wouldn't lose Heero a second time.

Duo stirred in the chair, forcing himself to awaken. His eyes fluttered against his skin, the semi rapid movements allowing little bits of sunlight to filter into his sleep fogged eyes slowly, giving them time to adjust. As he finally managed to fully open his eyes, he immediately focused them on Heero's form lying on the bed.

With shock, he realized that Heero was already awake and was staring back at him.

Duo's violet eyes pierced deeply into Heero's cobalt blue, relief perforating through his soul as he recognized the cognition in the dark depths.

*Good, the drug's worn off,* was the first observative thought that flew through Duo's mind.

As good of a thing as that was, it was also a hindrance. Heero's eyes were now clear and focused, all the emotions that the dark haired boy stubbornly hid lurked in the shadowy depths. Even as Duo recognized the cognition within the other's eyes, he also perceived the wariness, the distrust, and silent grief.

Duo's hands were shaking slightly, a tremor born of his nervousness and his fear. He took a quick, fortifying breath even as he rose from the chair and moved over to kneel at Heero's bedside. He ignored the slight discomfort that resulted from his kneeling on the floor, his mind too focused on the man lying on the bed in front of him.

Maintaining his eye contact with the other, Duo reached out with one work calloused hand and laid it gently on Heero's smooth cheek. His heart plummeted and tears of misery sprang to his eyes when Heero flinched from his touch. Duo bit his lip hard even as he slowly withdrew his hand. Heero was staring up at him, eyes wide and large like a startled doe's.

Duo folded his hands together and laid them on the mattress, his eyes still focused in on Heero's. His heart ached with sadness and regret. Sadness for the slight fear and uncertainty that lingered in Heero's eyes. Regret for the broken year of time that lay between them; the cold, callous words that tore them apart.

Duo sat silently, for once in his life words failed to spring forth to his lips. He didn't know what to say or how to say it in a way that would make a difference. It may very well be that there was nothing he could say that could erase the past year of anguish, or rebuild the shattered bridges of trust that had taken him so long to create.

Duo didn't know how long he sat there, quiet and unmoving, afraid to utter one word. He remained there kneeling, his hands clasped together on the mattress, the white of his knuckles betraying his nervousness.

Just as the silence was finally breaking him, driving him to destroy it, even if he was condemning himself to perdition, his chance to be the first to speak was taken away. Instead, Heero took the initiative and spoke.

"Duo."

Just one word.

One simple word that carried countless dozens of messages.

One word that neither condemned Duo for his past actions nor absolved him of his year long guilt.

One word that took not a full second to say, but held the power to completely shatter the self control that Duo had managed to uphold to this point.

Duo's resolve cracked, the negative emotions he had flooded his being. The dam had burst, the floodgates opened.

With a harsh cry, Duo broke off eye contact and buried his head in his forearms. His solid frame started to shake, shoulders racked with violent jerks as he started to sob and incoherently ramble.

"I'm sorry! Oh gods, I'm so damn sorry! I'm so sorry, for everything I did and didn't do! I know you probably won't forgive me, but I have to ask anyway! Oh god, I'm so sorry... so sorry..."

Duo knew he was rambling, but he was too deeply immersed in his self loathing and despair to stop it. The bedsheets and his forearms managed to muffle most of what he uttered, including his soul wrenching sobs. The fine linen were soaked through with the hot tears that spilled from his eyes, streaking their way down his face.

He was aware of the silence that came from the other man on the bed, which only served to further his own thoughts of self recrimination. While the tiny part of his soul that represented hope flickered with faintly uttered protests that silence didn't mean it was over, the larger part of himself, obsessed with his despair and condemnation, howled out at the imminent loss that was about to take place.

And so, it was with great shock that Duo reacted when he felt the gentle and light touch of a hand on his exposed cheek; a soft caress against his overheated skin. His eyes popped open wide even as he jerked his head up from its nook in his arms.

Pain stabbed him in his heart when Heero jerked away, deep blue eyes wide with animal like fright. However, some inner sense in his psyche alerted him to the fact that it was not HIM that Heero feared, but rather the fast, unalerted movement that caused him to rear back in alarm.

Anger briefly clouded over Duo's vision as possible reasons why entered his mind. They all revolved around that poor excuse for a man that he had briefly met at the Girou, that lecherous codger that was responsible for putting Heero up for auction like a slab of meat.

However, anger was not what was needed at this point in time. Heedless, the man who ran the Girou would be dealt with in time, of that there was no doubt. But for now, Duo needed to focus his energies on breaking through to Heero once more and regaining the lost ground.

Heero's eyes were still wide with reactionary fear, his body tense and alert for any sharp movements from Duo. Duo recognized this immediately, his mind rapidly searching for possible actions on his part that would not send Heero scurrying for cover. However, nothing came to mind, all ideas being rejected as quickly as he could form them. Eventually all he had left was the ability to remain absolutely still.

Amazingly, this worked.

Heero's frame lost some of its tenseness and rigidity as it became apparent that Duo wasn't going to make any further sudden movements. Cautiously, almost timidly, he reached out with his hand again, this time moving some of Duo's bangs out of his eyes. He lightly grazed his fingers on Duo's forehead, tracing a path down his temple and the side of his face.

As Heero's hand came to rest against Duo's cheek, Duo closed his eyes and nuzzled his face into Heero's hand, pausing to press light kisses on the soft skin. Duo could feel Heero's hand tense for a brief moment before it fell back to its relaxed state.

Taking advantage of the silent acquiescence, Duo reached up with his own free hand and lightly held Heero's in place. Keeping his eyes closed, Duo continued to rain kisses on Heero's palm, content in this small display of affection he was being allowed.

How long the two of them stayed in this silent situation was undetermined, the lengthening beams of sunlight being the only visible marker of the passage of time. Eventually it became clear that one of them needed to break the barrier of silence and speak, to start the healing. But both were loathe to be the initiator, neither knowing exactly what to say. Which words would just be empty sayings, and which words would actually make sense?

Finally, unable to take the silence any longer, Heero, unusually, broke down first. The ex - pilot, once remarked upon for his stoicism and ability to remain silent in the face of great provocation, cracked first. Just another piece of evidence of the changes wrought by the past year.

"Duo."

Well, the amount of words hadn't changed, at least.

Duo, his emotions under better control, stared his dark love in the eyes, his gaze steady and strong. He had so much that he wanted to say, yet he didn't have a single starting point in mind. Once again, it seemed Heero would direct the course of their conversation.

"You saved me."

Whether it was just a simple statement or a cautious question, Duo felt surprise that Heero would even say that. Immediately on the heels of his surprise came a small inner voice that berated him. *Of course, you baka. You didn't exactly give him a reason to believe that you still wanted him... that you still loved him. What else is he gonna say?*

Duo bit his lip for a second before he simply said, "Of course I did, Heero. I had to."

"Why?" came the curt question.

Duo's mind delivered several possible answers, his lightning fast thinking processes also developed several possible scenarios to each answer. All of this happened in the space of a few moments. In this case, he figured that going with the simplest reason would be the best.

Duo smiled up at Heero's quietly pensive expression, his heart in his amethyst gaze. "Because I love you."

Duo felt the tensing up of the hand that still lay against his cheek, could see the muscles in Heero's upper torso bunching up in tense distress. He wouldn't let go of Heero's hand though, keeping the hand tightly contained with his own.

Heero's upper frame started to literally shake, uncertainty and wild desperation entered his prussian blue depths. "Y-you still... l-love me? E-even after... a-after..." Heero couldn't even finish his thought.

His heart wrenching with the distress that his love was undergoing, a deep ache accompanying the knowledge that he was the reason for the distress, Duo jumped up from his kneeling position on the floor to sit facing Heero on the bed.

His level of despondency deepening, Duo enfolded Heero's leaner frame in his embrace, his steel like arms keeping a hold on the other man who began to half heartedly struggle against the contact. Duo forced Heero's head to lay on his shoulder, even as Duo laid his own chin on Heero's.

He whispered fiercely into Heero's ear, "Forget it, Heero. I'm not letting you go this time."

Heero continued his weak struggles for a few more minutes before his entire frame went rigid and still. Finally, with a soft sigh, his torso shuddered and went limp against Duo's frame. Heero's breath came in short, rasping gasps that sounded in Duo's ear drums.

Duo continued to whisper to Heero, his words powerfully echoing the sentiments and feelings in his heart and soul. "I love you, Heero. I have always loved you. And yes, while that love was tested a year ago, it was never you. It was me. I had to come to grips with myself and what I was truly scared of. And it took losing you, a year ago, to make myself see that what I was scared of was being alone. Was being without you. I love you so much, Heero. When you disappeared, all I could do was think about finding you and telling you that I love you. And hoping that it wasn't too late. That I hadn't lost you forever. And... and asking you for your forgiveness."

Duo closed his eyes at this point as tears began to seep down his cheeks. He buried his face into the juncture between Heero's shoulder and neck, filling his world with Heero's scent, a scent he had gone for the past year without.

A hysterical sob was beginning to well up in his throat as minutes passed by without any reaction from Heero. He was afraid that he had been too late after all, that all of Heero's love for him had already shriveled up and died. His body started to shake with dry tremors, fierce despair and sorrow welling up from the depths of his being. His mind clouded over as his grief overcame his thoughts, a single mantra echoing over and over again in his mind. *I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.*

He was so deeply immersed in his pain that it took several moments before he realized that his body was being held in a firm, yet gentle embrace, a soothing, low voice murmuring in his ear.

It took another group of moments before his mind was clear enough for him to understanding the uttered phrases.

"It's okay, Duo. I forgive you. It's all right."

Duo opened his tear blurred eyes and shot his head back to face Heero in the eyes. His tear stained face met Heero's straight on, violet eyes staring into blue depths.

Not bothering to wipe the tears away, Duo asked frantically, "Do you really?"

Pain and grief were apparent in Heero's eyes, though not as sharp and domineering as before. However, behind the negative, debilitating emotions lay hope and forgiveness. And in the last little bit of the prussian depths, embers of love had begun to smoulder with renewed life.

He whispered gently, "Hai, I love you too, Duo. I never stopped."

Duo uttered one strangled cry before he launched a fleet of light, brief kisses over Heero's face, his lips touching every square inch of his lover's face. His hands moved from their resting places on Heero's back to rise up and clutch Heero's head. Heero's own hands rose on their own accord to embrace Duo's, his lips tentatively returning Duo's kisses.

How long they continued swapping kisses back and forth was undetermined, but eventually they halted their activities, content to bask in each other's sorely missed company. Duo had asked a few cautious questions about Heero's past year at the Girou, but the darker haired man had been entirely too quiet on what had happened. Duo hadn't pried, wanting to respect Heero's privacy. Though they would talk about it, sooner or later. They needed to get it out in the open and done with, or it would fester like an untended wound, growing larger and worse with each passing day until it consumed one or both of them.

Suddenly a thought occurred to the braided man and he loosened his grip on Heero to reach under his shirt.

Curious, Heero watched as Duo's hand emerged gripping something tightly. Duo smiled tentatively at his reunited koibito, even as his fist opened and two glittering rings were unconcealed.

Heero sucked in his breath as the gold and silver circlets were revealed. He had vague memories of seeing those rings around Duo's neck the previous night, but he hadn't remembered if they had been real or just an illusion brought on by the drug.

Heero bit his lip hard as Duo quietly asked, "Will you wear your ring again, Heero?"

Heero stared at the rings for a long moment before he turned his head away to the side. "Gomen, Duo. I do still love you, but, I don't know if I can commit myself to forever again. I've changed. I no longer know who I am. Or what I am. I'm not sure about anything anymore."

Duo let the rings fall back against his chest as he reached out with his hand to turn Heero's downcast face back to his.

"A year. Give me one year. One year to replace the year of the past. To wipe out the bitter memories and replace them with better ones. And at the end of the year, if you still cannot wear your ring, I'll let you go."

Duo held his breath until Heero lifted his gaze and gave him his answer. "Hai. One year. To relearn who I am and who you are now."

Relief flooded through Duo's system as he gaze Heero one reassuring squeeze. He placed his forehead against Heero's as he whispered, "Arigato."

A sudden urge for devilment entered Duo's mind and he playfully suggested, "Well, if I only have a year, I might as well get started now, ne?"

To Heero's surprise, Duo lightly pushed against his chest, propelling him to the mattress. Once Heero's back hit the soft surface, Duo pounced, pressing deep kisses to Heero's face and neck, slathering him with physical evidence of his love.

Heero closed his eyes as he gasped for breath. Rioting sensations flew through his mind, sensations that were both familiar and foreign at the same time. He began to lose himself in the maelstrom of feeling that Duo was bringing about by simply kissing his face and neck, the gentle affection something he had been missing for the past year.

However, that pleasure lasted up until the moment that Duo's gentle fingers starting tweaking at his pectorals, playing with his nipples. Although the previously deeply buried part of his mind registered that this was DUO he was with, his beloved koibito, the more predominant part of his mind, the part that had been in control for the past year, screamed out that this was the beginning of another session.

Unnamed panic and fear began to flare within Heero, long since trained reactions to this sort of physical stimulation. He began to whimper and tremble, not in pleasure but rather in trepidation, although no stronger of a reaction did he permit himself to make. He had learned in the beginning of his 'training' at the Girou not to plead or implore. Those kind of reactions had always resulted in painful reciprocations.

However small his negative reactions, Duo had been too familiar with his body to not notice the sudden change in him. Duo immediately broke off his ministrations to stare into Heero's tightly drawn face, his expression concerned.

"Heero, what's wrong? You're trembling!"

At the concerned question, Heero's resolve broke and he turned his head to the side, his eyes clenched tightly. His voice whispered brokenly, "Gomen nasai, Duo. But, I-I can't... I'm not r-ready."

Duo immediately understood what Heero was trying to say and he cursed himself silently for moving too fast. However, his first and foremost concern was Heero, whom he gently enfolded in his embrace, cuddling him close like a kitten. One of his hands soothingly stroked Heero's short hair, fingers combing through the silky strands.

He whispered calming words under his breath, his attention focused on calming Heero down. "It's okay, Heero. I understand. We'll only go as fast as you want to."

At Duo's words, Heero seemed to calm down, his level of tension lowering enough to allow him to wrap his own arms around Duo's waist loosely. He buried his head in Duo's chest, his breath unsteady.

"Arigato, Duo," he whispered.

The two lay on the bed, held in each other's embrace, listening to their mingled breathing. Heero's attention was focused on Duo's steady heartbeat, allowing it to lull him into his first easy sleep in months.

As Duo realized that Heero's breathing had evened out into a sleep pattern, he tightened his grip imperceptively on the sleeping man, holding his body close to his own. He gently placed a light kiss on Heero's head, afterwards settling in for a rest himself.

As sleep slowly overcame him, he made a silent promise to the man he held in his arms. *I love you, Heero. And I'll never let any harm come to you again. I promise. I'll keep you safe, for all time, koibito.*

TBC...

 

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