Author: A-chan
Pairings: Certain sections will contain 2x1x2 (it's light outside of the Mating part ^_^), 5+S (one line of it)
Warnings: Fluff, fluff, humor, cutesy, and you might get a toothache
Disclaimer: The chibis are not mine, but the fic is. ^_~
Summery: Are you thinking to adopt a chibi duo? If yes, is it right for you? Here you will learn of the duo's behavior, lifestyle, feeding instructions, and of course, their mating habits.
To make it perfectly clear: This fic was inspired by Reishin's "Chibi Mating Habits" and PlaidDragon's "The Chibi Problem". Both are highly recommended and can be found at Spandex and Braids (The Chibi Problem is posted on the S&B fic forum). However, I'll try to be as original as I possibly can.
Owners' Strife 1: The Complete Guide of the Duo Chibi
Intro~
In what appears to be a cluttered attic, a young girl with long, long black hair can be seen shuffling through an assortment of obviously old books, muttering curses while she's at it. The front of her shirt has a little bat-duo piccie and the back of her shirt has a little angel-heero pic. Oh yeah, and her name's A-chan.
A-chan: *waves* Nice ta meetcha!
Through some more head-bumping and swears, she finally manages to yank out a book that looks twenty pounds heavier than her and plops down on a baseball beanbag. She sets the book on her lap and blows off the dust. Cackling like the maniac she is, she flips open the first page and readers can see that the cover says "The Life of a Feral Duo, by Aphrodite" in gold.
Thus, beginning our lesson of the duo chibi...
~*~
The picture of a stunned woman with a baby duo clinging to her face suddenly appears on the screen. The duo is crying and shivering, wailing "Heeeee-chan" occasionally. It suddenly opens its tear-filled eyes and sniffles deliberately, a sparkle glistening at the corner of both eyes...which are about half the size of its head.
Now isn't that cute? Wrong tape!
Struggles are heard as well as heated arguing, but finally, the RIGHT video presents itself and starts talking.
~*~
Welcome to Chibi Productions' latest film release: The Complete Chibi Duo Guide.
If you are thinking to adopt a duo, it's recommended that you first learn about their behavior.
First of all, what IS a chibi duo?
The Voice™: The chibi duo, also known as 'Shinigami' for it's eerie cackles and black attire, is a bundle of bat-winged energy. High in number, these little critters are often found with a thermal scythe tucked under its arm. Oh, and they can't be mistaken because of a long braid.
The Voice™ stops talking as a screech of "shinigamiiiiiii!!!!!" penetrates the calm atmosphere of the forest.
A colony of chibi duos can be seen marching in a circle around another of their kind. This one was standing with its back straight and chest puffed out, looking very satisfied.
The Voice™: Oh...my...!!!! *excited* It looks like they're welcoming another duo into their group!
Sure enough, a large, rather old duo approaches the younger one, presenting him with a glowing scythe. The smaller chibi is ecstatic, nearly jumping up and down.
The Voice™: When happy, the duo breed has a tendency to--
The barely adult chibi suddenly launches itself into the air then drops back to the ground. ...on top of the big duo.
The Voice™: *sigh* --glomp.
A close-up of a chibi duo pops up onto the screen.
The Voice™: An adult duo measures about 5.4 inches tall[1] with a wing-span of approximately 5.6 inches. However, {camera pans in on the braid) its tail, or what we call 'hair', can reach up to 6.4 inches long, depending on the duo and its preferences. Needless to say, it can get rather...
Scene switches to a duo getting tangled in its own unbound hair upon waking up in the morning.
The Voice™: ...troublesome when loose.
A ball of chestnut can be seen, with two huge violet eyes blinking from inside.
The Voice™: *whispers* Kinda reminds you of some of those Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck cartoons, doesn't it? *continues* Anyway, duos are very social by nature, and spend much of their day bugging other chibis. For some reasons duers (^^;) aren't sure of, they especially like to annoy the heeros and wufeis.
Screen shows three chibis--a duo with a heero and wufei chasing after it, all screaming bloody murder. Upon a closer look, we can see that the heero's spiky bangs are done in curls and on the wufei's katana is "I ^heart^ Sally" in hot pink.
The Voice™: I forgot; they're also pranksters. *the sweatdrop is almost heard*
Suddenly, the duo takes off for the tree canopies, and the wufei is left screeching something about 'injustice' on the ground. The duo blows him a raspberry, but has apparently forgotten that heeros can fly just as well as he can. A moment later, a startled yelp is heard and the duo is tackled in mid-air, being dragged back to the dirt by its braid.
The Voice™: The heero is a very determined breed, whether it be finding food, defending its territory, or claiming a mate. Afterall, it DID receive its nickname, the perfect soldier, because of its sheer will and down-right SCARY attitude it takes on upon failing the necessary deed. *pauses to observe the splash of dried leaves as the heero succeeds in his capturing the trouble-maker and pinning him to the ground*
Without warning, the duo giggles, and a pair of Spandex shorts is tossed from the pile of leaves concealing the pair. The wufei from earlier suddenly leaps into the picture and charges into the small mound, katana in hand. ...only to run out five times as fast a second later, shrieking and holding its bleeding nose.
The Voice™: *coughs* Let's move on shall we? *ignores the wails of despair and anger from hentai fans* Next, food and feeding.
Food and Feeding~
The Voice™: What do duos eat? Simple. Anything and everything that doesn't bite back. No, I mean it!
The scene switches to a glade in the forest, where literally thousands of duos and other chibi breeds practically swarm the area. And the air is filled with various calls of "Shiniiiii!!! Shiniiii!", "Ninmu ryoukai/kanryou!", "Lonely!"[2], "I'll be your friend!"[3], "Onnnnnaaa!!!!", and "Kiiiisaaamaa!".
The Voice™: Feeding time with the chibis is always noisy. Even the silent trowa and the gentle quatre boom out.
Camera pans in on the mob, and many chibis are on the ground, shoving all kinds of food into their mouths. The duos are picking at truffles and stolen bread, heck! Some are even chomping on mini-burgers!
The Voice™: Duos, like all chibis, are omnivores, meaning they feed on both vegetation and meat, though they definitely seem to prefer the latter.
There is a pile of angry duos on the ground, fighting over something. Finally, a single Hershey's bar flies out.
The Voice™: Ah yes, duos have a weakness for chocolate. But do be careful how much they get their little claws on, because sugar-highs are very easily attained with the duo chibi. And you won't like it, that I promise you.
Fighting~
The Voice™: The duo's preferred weapon is a thermal scythe, which goes where ever the chibi goes.
Two duos are patrolling their colony base, marching at the borders with their unlit weapons on their shoulders and braids curled around their waists (they hate getting their tails dirty). Suddenly, apparently hearing something suspicious, both tense and green streaks of light shoot out of the end of the scythes. After a minute, they slowly relax and continue their duty.
The Voice™: If needed, the duo will use a hiper-jammer to hide itself from being detected until up close.
A rubber ducky decoy quacks its way toward the duos. They freak at first but quickly whip out grayish boxes and attach them to their backs. Almost as if by magic, the black-clad little things began disappearing until all that is left of them are the long braids flying behind as they charge the poor ducky.
After a brief but loud fight, the chibis return to their posts triumphantly, leaving behind them a shredded piece of rubber.
Winter~
The Voice™: *solemn* This cold, unforgiving season is often hard on the chibis.
Several young duo chibis are huddled together in a tree hollow, shaking and teeth clattering. Scene switches to a lone duo with its wing caught in a spiked chibi trap, crying and attempting to get loose.
The Voice™: *tearful* The parent... Because they steal grain and bread, the local farmers are the chibis' only enemies. But they rarely succeed. This only happens when the snow is so thick it conceals the trap.
Screen shows the young ones again, this time frozen stiff, as well as the adult.
The Voice™: With no food or parent to cuddle with...*wails* sometimes they even die!
But spring does come around. The season of love and romance...right.
Mating~
The Voice™: *sounds ecstatic* One of my favorite parts of this expedition. Definitely. For no reason known other than the author likes it that way, duos are strangely attracted to heeros...
A heero is zipping frantically amongst leaves and branches, blue eyes almost insane as it knocks chipmunks and squirrels from their perches and scatters their acorns helter-skelter. Not far behind is a duo in hot pursuit.
The Voice™: *brightly* Although the duo does...er, *cough* mate during other times for recreational purposes, when in heat, it can be all-out frightening, as our heero here seems to have learned. Without a doubt the most ardent admirer of all chibi types.
The duo suddenly stops and flutters to the ground in a fainting gesture. The heero is nowhere to be seen. The duo curls up in a sad little ball, sniffles and wipes its tears with the tuft of the braid dramatically. Reluctantly, a dark brown head peeks out from behind a near-by tree trunk. The duo looks at him, and much to the shock of observers, it turns away, hugging itself tighter. Sighing, the heero carefully approaches the duo. ...only to be snagged with a gleeful cackle and dragged into a bush cursing a green streak with yellow stripes. Not a second later, a pair of jog-spurs, Spandex shorts, a green tanktop that's been through Hell and back, black top with priest's collar, and a hair tie are tossed out.
Later, the duo staggers out of the bush, holding its head and spinning dizzily, but a hand reaches out and yanks it back in with a yelp.
The Voice™: *somewhat bewildered* Well, I guess the heero is 'in the mood' too, so to speak.
Offspring~
The Voice™: Ah yes, the time is here. When little chibi ^^; duos and others are brought into this world.
In a nest much like that of a bird sits a duo chibi with its littler chibis (*sweatdrops*) while its heero mate guards them like a hawk.
The Voice™: Because chibis are mammals, they are born directly from their parents. But do not ask me which one. -_-' For HEAVEN'S sake don't ask me which one. Though unlike other warm-blooded animals, they don't feed from the...*choke* mothers' milk, but start with real food like a chick.
The heero takes off in search of food and returns a while later, landing where the duo has made room for him in the nest. He pulls out a plum that's more than half the size of his entire body from heaven knows where and places it in front of his family. The duo makes a pleased sound and snuggles up to its mate as the pair watch their offspring dig into the fruit.
The Voice™: Another 'reason unknown' thing, ok? So bear with me here. For reasons unknown by scientists and researchers, the offsprings are never mixes of their parents. They are one or the other--either it looks like a duo or it looks like a heero, never a duro (*sweatocean*).
There are three little ones in this particular litter--two heeros and one duo. Perhaps it's a good thing because the duoit (*sighs and sweatdrops yet again*) eats about as much as its...uh, papa does.
The chibier chibis' wings are not visible yet, for they will grow as the little ones themselves do. Right now, they're still just stumps of white and black.
The Voice™: *sighs dreamily* Isn't that sweet? With the combined efforts of the adults, the little chibis will grow up into nice, healthy chibis. But as of now, they still need the loving care of the adults.
Duos as pets~
Just a few words of warning: Sky-high food bills, pranks, irresistibly adorable violet eyes, long hair, and a heero magnet. If you're able to put up with that, the duo will make a lovable and loyal long-time companion that you can enjoy hours of enjoyment with.
OWARI
^____^ How was that? Did anyone notice that I've been writing/attempting humor a lot lately?
[1] Duo is 5.4 feet tall I believe.
[2] In one of Trowa's image songs, he sings "lonely".
[3] Quatre's song: I'll Be Your Friend.
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